We all want to manifest the strongest unconscious and conscious desires in the outside world.
But few people care about how expedient and consistent with the external world these desires. How do they upset the balance of other people? How do they relate to your personal evolution?

How do the events of our life develop? How are they related to our inner world? Why is there a conflict between personal will and fate?

The answers to these questions are the basis and the key to understanding the most important laws by which we live.

We will draw an analogy related to the structure of our nervous system.
Perhaps you know that in our nervous system only two fundamental processes continuously interact: excitation and inhibition. These processes are initiated by the external or internal environment, which causes irritation.

This analogy ideally shows the interaction of unconscious and conscious internal desires and the reactions of the external world and circumstances to them.

The external world, circumstances and fate act as regulators that inhibit too strong unconscious and conscious aspirations, and excite weak, denied and suppressed desires.

Here are some examples for a more complete understanding.
A person unconsciously and partially consciously strives for physical comfort and pleasure. Before this desire was predominantly unconscious (unconscious), the external world constantly inhibited this excessive desire. Everything that he associates with comfort was constantly exposed to some kind of influence. Escalators stopped, buses broke down, this desire was constantly infringed.

Second example. A person is unconsciously strongly attached to money and, accordingly, internally depends on it. This unconscious urge is partially offset by conscious attitudes. But this does not work well, because it takes a lot of time for the conscious striving to go deep. Accordingly, the more this person begins to consciously look for some ways to realize this unconscious desire, the more this desire is blocked by external circumstances.

Third example. A person unconsciously strives for love and relationships and also depends on this in the strongest way. Circumstances in every possible way protect this person from any relationship and conscious aspirations to them. The blocking is the more severe, the stronger the unconscious desire and dependence. With a softer blocking, this can manifest itself as some kind of "teasing" events, when the desire, as it were, constantly eludes a person, despite the fact that there are all the signs of its imminent realization. It's an interesting feeling 😉

How do you manage events in these three examples? How do you fix these situations?
In each of these cases, it is necessary to maximally help fate and circumstances to normalize and align the strength of these desires.

In the first case, you need to consciously change your lifestyle - move more, exercise, take a contrast shower (infringement of the comfort of the physical body), remove tasty and sweet food from the diet. Radically? But in this case, waiting for this to happen by itself is too long 😉

In the second example, oddly enough, you need to devote less time to work and making money and switch to some hobby or hobby. Here work is going on at the level of consciousness and for rapid changes it is necessary to connect other resources here. The work here is much more subtle and includes continuous work with the unconscious.

In the third example, it is also necessary to stop struggling with circumstances and direct all free energy in a channel free from relationships and love experiences. And also to be continuously aware of the unconscious urge and to reduce its strength.

You may have noticed that the desires in these examples are somewhat different from each other.
This is done specifically for a better understanding of the structure of the interaction of various unconscious and conscious desires with each other.

In the first example, desires are associated with the needs of the physical body, the animal nature of man, which begins to get out of the control of consciousness.
In the second example, desire is associated with the needs of consciousness for protection and security, which also got out of the control of a higher structure - the human soul.
In the third example, desire is associated with the needs of the soul for love and relationships, also too strong, which is regulated by an even higher structure. (?)

In principle, it all comes down to the normal structure of the relationship between the desires of the body, consciousness, soul and a higher structure above it.

The desires of the body should serve the higher goals and objectives of all higher structures. This means that if the body wants to sleep, but for consciousness it is necessary to go to work, it is definitely not worth indulging the body.
The desires of the consciousness should serve the goals and objectives of the soul. This means that if consciousness wants security and wealth, and the soul wants adventure and love, you definitely need to make a choice in favor of the soul.
However, if the soul becomes too dependent on other people, relationships or any experience and this experience begins to collapse, you need to go through this as well.

Every person dreams of being happy. Every person deserves happiness ... if he put his strength, mind, heart and soul into it.
I often hear from people that they are tired of unfavorable circumstances for them, and they are tired of fighting with them.

A little secret for everyone, without exception!

There is no struggle with circumstances. Absolutely no. Dealing with circumstances is like dealing with windmills. Forgetting that they have an owner who built them in a suitable place for him, made them work using the power of the wind: he brought people to these mills, brought grain, receives flour, and then money, recognition, success, prosperity.
Any circumstance is just a consequence. Every circumstance has a reason - it is the person who created them.

Therefore, there is no struggle with circumstances. There is a struggle with oneself and the people who create the circumstances. There is a struggle with people so that they do not create circumstances that you do not like with their decisions and actions.
Life is so arranged that one person does not like what the other likes and the first one wants to replace everything that the second did - with his own, so desired by him, with what he considers to be true.

Another secret for everyone, without exception!

You may not like something for several reasons:
1. You do not know how to do the same as others (sometimes it is very unpleasant to understand and worry).
2. You were once taught to react only this way, and not otherwise (or you yourself learned). We are all, to one degree or another, hostages of our own style of thinking. Sometimes, this style is very ineffective ... but it is not always noticeable to the person himself ...
3. It was always difficult for you to adapt to new things. Man is such a creature - he resists any changes.
4. You think that your point of view is the only correct one. You have not yet met any confirmation of the fidelity of other points of view.
5. You may lack flexibility and systemic ability to work on yourself, developing new qualities and skills to adapt.
6. Sometimes you may not know something ...

And sometimes there is simply no person next to you who can help you understand yourself in order to make your life happier.

Why spend so much energy on the desire to win or subjugate the situation to yourself? Strength and time are inexorably running out, as if the sand is waking up through your fingers. In such a struggle, you can quickly get to the moment when the whole world becomes not nice, and you are disgusted with yourself ...
We can connect with the world and comprehend it as it really is.
To achieve a state of happiness or peace, success or efficiency (who is looking for what), you definitely - must be able to manage themselves, others and circumstances.

Women's wisdom is born in understanding herself and the world order, and then in the ability to arrange her life so that she herself can love and be loved ...

Success in life is born in the same way: first you understand your strengths and start using them, creating a business, gathering enthusiastic people around you, making a career, and then you improve ...

If you are on the verge of changes in your life, all the more it is worth understanding yourself better: what strengths you will rely on, and what you should tighten up ...

Those who decide to start a family or strengthen existing relationships should carefully study the laws of a happy life in order to develop the qualities that contribute to the creation of good relationships ...

We invite you to do all this on August 30 - September 1 at the legendary Elena Romanova "Spiritual Diving" in Moscow (which has been going on with short breaks since 2007).
Take the time to be more successful, happier, more confident ...

On Spiritual Diving we will work:
- with your goals,
- dreams,
- difficulties,
- business tasks
- and any questions.
With what is important to you and what worries you. You will have a lot of work on yourself, discoveries and your conclusions, which you will then rely on in your life.
Register on.
Hurry up. There are only 8 places left.

People are shown by circumstances. Therefore, when a circumstance falls out to you, remember that it was God, as a teacher of wrestling, who pushed you against a rude youth. - For what, - he says. - In order for you to become a winner at the Olympic Games. And you can't become without sweat. It seems to me that no one got a better circumstance than you got, if you want to use it as a young athlete. And so we send you to Rome as a spy. And no one sends a coward as an infiltrator, so that he, only hearing a rustle and a shadow, seeing, would come running in confusion and say that the enemies are already here. If you come just like this and tell us: “Terrible things in Rome. Dreadful is death, dreadful exile, dreadful reproach, dreadful poverty. Run, people, enemies - here ", we tell you:" Go away, prophesy to yourself. We were only mistaken in sending such a spy. "

Diogenes sent before you by the spy told us otherwise. He says that death is not evil, since it is not at all something shameful. He says that disgrace is the chatter of crazy people. And what about suffering, what about pleasure, what about poverty said this spy! And being naked, he says, is better than any garment with a purple stripe. Sleeping on bare ground, he says, is the softest bed. And as a proof of all this, he cites his bold confidence, equanimity, freedom, and then his perishable body, shining with health and knocked down. "There is no enemy nearby," he says, "everything is filled with peaceful rest." - "How so, Diogenes?" “Look,” he says, “Am I smitten, am I wounded, did I run away from someone?” This is the real spy. And you come and tell us this and that. Will you not go again and take a closer look, without this cowardice? What am I supposed to do? - What do you do when you get off the ship? Do you carry away the helm, do you carry the oars? What are you taking away? Own: lekith, knapsack. And here, if you remember yours, you will never claim someone else's. He tells you, "Take off the toga with the wide purple stripe." - "Here I am in a toga with a narrow purple stripe." - "Throw it off." - "Here I am just in a raincoat." - "Throw off your cloak." - "Here I am naked." - “But you make me jealous.” - “Take, therefore, this entire mortal body. I am still afraid of the one to whom I can give up this mortal body? " "But he will not leave me as an heir." Well, have I forgotten that all this was not mine? How do we call it "mine"? Like a bed in a hotel. So, if the innkeeper after his death leaves beds for you, you will have them, and if for another, that one will have them, and you will look for another bed. Well, if you don’t find it, then you will go to sleep on bare ground, only with bold confidence, snoring to yourself and remembering that tragedies take place among the rich, kings and tyrants, and the poor do not participate in the tragedy, except as a member of the chorus ... And the kings start with well-being:

Decorate houses with wreaths

Then, actions in the third or fourth:

Alas, Kiferon, why did he accept me ?!

You are a slave creature, where are the wreaths, where is the diadem? You don't need bodyguards anymore? So, when you approach one of them, remember that you are approaching a participant in the tragedy, not an actor, but Oedipus himself. "But such and such is blessed: he walks, accompanied by a whole crowd." And I join the crowd, and walk around with the whole crowd. Most importantly, remember that the door is open. Do not be cowardly, but like children, when they do not like the game, they say: “I don’t play anymore,” so do you, when something seems the same to you, say: “I don’t play anymore,” and you succeed, but if you stay then do not complain.

About the same

If all this is true, and we do not say out of stupidity or hypocrisy that the good of man lies in free will, as well as evil, and everything else has nothing to do with us, that we are still falling into confusion, that we are still falling into fear? Nobody has power over what we are seriously doing. We do not pay attention to what others have power over. What other concern might we have? "But give me directions." What directions can I give you? Didn't Zeus give you directions? Didn't he give you everything that is yours that are not subject to interference and not subject to obstacles, and all that is not yours is subject to interference and subject to obstacles? With what instruction did you come from there, with what order? Do your own food in every possible way, do not harass someone else. Honesty is yours. Conscientiousness is yours. So who can take them away from you? Who other than yourself will prevent you from using them? And you yourself - how? When you are seriously occupied with non-yours, then you have lost yours. With such covenants and instructions from Zeus - what else do you want from me? Am I better than him, am I more trustworthy? And if you observe them, will you need any more others? Didn't he give these instructions? Bring the general concepts, bring the proofs of the philosophers, bring everything that you often listened to, and bring everything that you yourself said, bring everything that you read, bring everything that you have accustomed yourself to.

How long will it be correct to observe them and not stop playing? As long as it is done well. On the Saturnalia, a king is chosen by lot. The point is that we decided to play this game. He orders: “You have a drink. You dilute the wine. Sing it. You go. You come. " I obey that the game does not stop because of me. "And you accept the opinion that evil has befallen you." I do not accept this opinion. Who will force me to accept such an opinion? Here again we agreed to play Agamemnon and Achilles. The one appointed to play Agamemnon tells me: "Go to Achilles and take Briseis from him." I'm going. Come. I come. After all, as we behave in conditional reasoning, so we should behave in life. "Let's say it's night." - "Let's say." - "Well, is it day?" - "No. I accepted the condition that it was night. " - "Let's say that you accept the opinion that it is night." - "Let's say." - "But also accept the opinion that it is night." - - "This does not follow from the condition." That's how it is here. "Let's say you're in bad luck." - "Let's say." - "Are you so unhappy?" - "Yes". - "Well, are you in misfortune?" - "Yes". - "But also accept the opinion that evil befell you." - “This does not follow from the condition. And the other bothers me. "

So how long should such a command be obeyed? As long as it is expedient, that is, as long as I observe what is proper and appropriate. However, some are obese and fastidious and say: “I cannot dine with him to endure how he talks every day about how he fought in Mission:“ I have already told you, brother, how I climbed the hill. And now they start to besiege me again ”. Another says, "I prefer to dine and listen to all his chatter as much as he pleases." And you, too, compare these values. Just don't do anything if it bothers you, if it depresses you, if you accept the opinion that evil befell you from it. After all, no one is forcing you to do this. Smoke in the dwelling? If not too much, I stay. If there is too much, I go out. You just need to firmly remember that the door is open. "Don't live in Nikopol." - "I don't live." - "Not in Athens." - "Not in Athens." - "Not in Rome." - "Not in Rome." - "Live on Giara". - "I live." But it seems to me that living on Giara is a lot of smoke. I retire to where no one will stop me from living. After all, that dwelling place is open to everyone. And beyond the ultimate tunic, that is, the mortal body, no one has any power over me. Therefore, Demetrius said to Nero: "You threaten me with death, and nature for you." And if I value my mortal body, then I have surrendered to slavery. If it is perishable property, it means that he surrendered himself into slavery. After all, I immediately show myself against myself clearly how you can take me. It is as if the snake pulls back its head, I say: "Hit it according to what it protects." Know and you that exactly what you want to protect, and your master will come. With this in mind, who else will you flatter or fear? "But I want to sit where the senators are." Do you see that you are creating a difficulty for yourself, that you are depressing yourself? "How else can I see clearly in the amphitheater?" Man, do not go to look, and you will not be depressed. What are you doing yourself trouble? Or wait a bit, and when the show is over, sit down in the senatorial seats and bask in the sun. And in general, remember that we depress ourselves, we create difficulties for ourselves, that is, our opinions depress us and create difficulties for us. Indeed, what does it mean in itself to be vilified? Stand in front of a stone and vilify it. And what will you achieve by this? So if someone listens like a stone, what is the use of the reproach? And if the weakness of the reproached is accessible to the reproach, then he achieves something. "Rip it up." What do you say "him"? Take his cloak, rip it open. "I insulted you." - "To your health."

This is what Socrates taught himself to. Therefore, he never changed his face. And we prefer to practice in practice to accustom ourselves to everything, just not so that we become immune to obstacles and free. "Philosophers say paradoxical things." And in the rest of the arts, are there no paradoxical things? And what could be more paradoxical than pricking someone's eye in order for him to see? If someone said this to an ignorant person in medicine, wouldn't he laugh at him? So what is surprising if, in philosophy, too, many truths seem paradoxical to the ignorant?

What is the law of life

And while reading conditional reasoning, he said: The law of conditional reasoning is this one too: accept

what matches the condition. And what is much more important, the law of life is this: to do what is in accordance with nature. After all, if in every subject and circumstance we want to comply with nature, it is clear that in everything we must be determined not to avoid what corresponds to it, and not to accept what is contrary to it. Therefore, philosophers first train us in theory, where it is easier, and then they lead to more difficult. There is nothing here that distracts from following what is taught, but in life there is a lot of distraction. Therefore, the one who says that he wants to practice in life first is ridiculous. It's not easy to start with the harder one.

And this is what justification should be given to those parents who are angry that their children are engaged in philosophy: “So, then, I am mistaken, father, and I do not know what is right for me and what is right. If it can neither be learned nor taught, why do you blame me? If you can teach, teach. And if you yourself cannot, let me learn from those who say they know it. What do you really think? That I voluntarily fall into evil and fail in good? In no case! What is the reason that I am wrong? In ignorance. So you don't want me to get rid of the ignorance? Who has anger ever taught the art of sailing, the art of music? So you think I'll learn the art of living through your anger? "

This can only be said by one who is committed to such an intention. And if someone reads them and goes to philosophers only out of a desire to flaunt at a feast with his knowledge of conditional reasoning, does he achieve something other than the admiration of the senator reclining next to him? After all, there are really powerful fortunes, and the local riches there seem to be children's toys. Therefore, it is difficult to hold firmly to one's ideas there, where the forces that knock them off are powerful. I know one who hugged Epaphrodite's knees in tears, complaining of his misfortune: he had nothing left, only a million and a half. What is Epaphrodite? I started laughing, how are you? No. Amazed, he says to him: “Unhappy! How were you silent, how did you endure? "

And when he embarrassed the one who read the conventional reasoning, the person who asked this reading began to laugh, he said: You are laughing at yourself. You did not prepare this young man with the exercises and did not know if he could understand them, but you treat him as the leader of the reading session. What, he said, should we entrust the expression of praise, we entrust the expression of censure, the expression of judgment about what is being done right or wrong, to a thought that cannot understand a judgment about a connecting judgment? And if he blasphemes someone, does he pay attention to it, and if he praises someone, does he ascend from it, since he cannot find consistency in such small things?

So, here is the beginning of philosophy: awareness of the state of your own supreme part of the soul. After all, after a person finds out that she is in a powerless state, he no longer wants to use her for important things. However, some who cannot swallow a bite will buy the essay and lash out to devour it. Therefore, they get vomiting or indigestion. Then colic, catarrh, fever. And they should be wondering if they can do it. But in theory it is easy to expose the ignorant, and in life no one lends himself to be exposed, and we hate the one who exposes. And Socrates said that you cannot live an unexplored life.

Many of us are faced with situations, difficulties or circumstances in life that do not fit into the concept of happiness and well-being. Sometimes a problem is so impossible to come to terms with that it turns into an obsession, poisoning our entire existence. And if there are two or three such situations? What, not live at all, but suffer? Many psychologists in this regard say the classic phrase: "You cannot change the circumstances, change the attitude towards them." But how to do it: just like that, suddenly take and change? It's difficult. And then there are simply such bad circumstances that it is simply impossible to think of them in any other way, except as bad.

What then is to be done? It is best to still try to learn to accept the situation as it is: bad means bad, if you don't like it means you don't like it, but you should try to experience as little emotion as possible about this.

But this cannot be done just like that. It is necessary, so to speak, to "train": to reflect, analyze, compare, work on yourself and your feelings. How to do it - let's figure it out in order.

1) To begin with, you still need to understand whether there are solutions, outputs, opportunities for transforming this situation. Because accepting ANY situation is not a guarantee of your psychological calmness. You will simply find yourself in the face of infantilism and inaction - you will constantly adapt to circumstances, "bend", and in a psychological sense, too, from which you will get even more displeasure. So close to the moment when you can bury yourself headlong into a pit of problems and get a real neurosis or.

2) If you fully calculate all the options for solving the problem and do not find a suitable one, then it will be easier for you to come to the understanding that you have done everything possible, while the further depends on something else, but not on yourself. It can be assumed that with this approach, those very “disadvantageous” situations will be significantly fewer. And this, again, is a good help for the logic of thinking in the following framework: "Yes, I have problems that I can solve, there are problems that will help me to solve, but there are also those that cannot be solved and they just need to be accepted." Then life will seem to you more fair, adequate and logical - after all, everything is equally in it, why not?

3) Think about life as if it were on the scales, as a lottery, as a zebra - it's obvious. Yesterday I was lucky in this, today there was a failure in that, tomorrow something will happen too. Each person strives to make his life happier, calmer, more fulfilling - and this is his main task. He struggles with difficulties and accepts destinies, but if difficulties are insurmountable, then let them just be, in the end, this is not a big part of your life, and this is already good.

4) Learn to pass everything through the prism of your own mental comfort. What does it mean? If you have already realized that the situation is beyond your control, then why waste your mental strength, nerves, resources on worrying about it? Enlist a kind of “egoism”: “If I don’t like it, it doesn’t suit me, but I cannot change anything, then why would I waste my emotions on those who are to blame for this situation. There will be no sense anyway, and I, one way or another, will suffer. Therefore, I would rather take care of my peace of mind. "

For example, someone constantly makes you feel bad. I do not like? Then parry, fight, get rid of it. There is no way to get around this situation - as they say, “hammer” and “don't twitch”, if you are doing so badly, then why else should you spoil your nerves. Or you don’t like someone’s character - it’s hard with him (boss, comrade, husband,). So do not communicate with this person, do not work, do not live. And if necessary, then understand why you are doing this, why there is no turning back. Most likely, because it is to some extent "beneficial" for you - because you get your advantages out of this situation. Sounds ridiculous at first, but think about it.

For example: you do not live well with your husband's hard temper. Bad - divorce. However, their "buts" immediately arise: it is a pity for the child, there is no housing, there will not be enough of our own for a decent life. But after all, millions of people in the world get divorced in any situation, so all of the above are your "advantages" from living together: you regret the child and want him a better life, it is convenient for you to use housing, you will not go to rent a room and eat only bread, but without " evil monster ", on your salary, you also do not want. This means that we put our comfort and our "benefits" in the first place, and we try to sweep aside uncomfortable circumstances in every possible way: do not pay attention, do not get hung up, do not cheat ourselves.

5) Try to look for at least some pluses around your situation. If you try hard enough, you can find them in many cases. Well, for example, a husband earns little and is unlikely to make a career - but he is kind and caring, or economic, or loyal. The evil mother-in-law was caught - but her son is good, but she lives separately. Well, there will definitely be some pluses in something. It is on them that you need to try to navigate.

6) We all love to compare ourselves, including with our other acquaintances. For one it is bad, for the second - something else, and for me - the third. Someone a little more fortunate in one, someone - in another. Go through some examples that are similar to your specific situation - but what about others? And you will surely see that everyone has a different way - this will again give you another opportunity to look at life more broadly and more philosophically: after all, everything in it is relative.

So "exercise", try, draw conclusions, and then many life circumstances will seem much more banal and simple for their experience and living.

Can a monk and nun be godparents to a child? How to behave in a Christian way with domestic staff? Is confession required before the sacrament? How can you overcome the resistance of temple workers and priests to social work? How not to lose heart and despair of poverty? Can I take medications for outbursts of anger? If a person complains all the time that everyone offends him, should you listen to him or not? Is it possible to take communion at each Liturgy? - These and other questions about the spiritual foundations of charity and church life were answered by Bishop Panteleimon of Smolensk and Vyazemsk.

Vladyka, is it necessary to take a blessing to go to prison to a prisoner?
Of course, before you go to a prisoner for the first time, you need to take a blessing from a priest. A prison is a special world, if a person sits there for a long time, he acquires some properties that need to be learned about in advance. If you start working with prisoners, for this you need to consult with some experienced priest who is already at least a little familiar with this completely different world.

How to help those in need, but avoid dependency?
Yes, Anechka, of course, it is sad when people cheat. And, of course, it happens that, nevertheless, you still feel sorry for them. They often cheat not because of a good life, but because they are in a desperate situation. They deceive because they are used to lying and cannot tell the truth. And, of course, even a deliberate deceiver cannot be offended, you cannot be rude with him. We must try to love every person who comes and try to help everyone in our power. If a person asks for money for something bad, you need to try to help him without giving money for the bad, and help him buy food, clothes, I already talked about this once. If a person is cheating, you can make it clear to him that it is not good to cheat and ask what he really needs. In short, you need not offend people, of course, but try to love them and understand how you can help get out of the situation in which a person finds himself. In order not to be mistaken in such cases, experience is needed, which comes with time.

After baptizing refuseniks in the hospital, we attached their crosses to baptismal certificates. This is right?
I think that, of course, in the hospital, crosses can be attached to the walls of the crib, you can hang them next to the baby if he is in intensive care. But it is very important, Katyusha, to follow the fate of these children afterwards. It is very important that in the baby's house, where they are later sent, they know that they are baptized. It would be very good for volunteers to visit them in the baby's house and for the priest to come to them and give them communion. So that when they grow up, there would be someone to tell them at least a little about faith, at least a little to familiarize them with church life.

How to pray to a lying disabled person if relatives are watching TV in his room?
Once, in our hospital, 1st Gradskaya, Ol, one priest got into an ordinary ward for 6 people. And he lay there for a long time. It was an ordinary male ward, in which patients smoked and watched TV. And he said that at first it was very difficult. But the following reasoning helped him. He thought that these people could not behave differently. They can’t help but watch TV, listen to loud music, they can’t help but smoke in the ward. And he, as a Christian, as a priest, can and must endure the infirmities of others. And then he calmed down. And I must say that he spent a long time in the hospital, then, however, he was transferred to a separate ward, but for some time he was with these people. And this understanding that he must learn to endure the weaknesses of his neighbors helped him to endure this situation. I think that the same can be advised to do the same to this person, who has a TV rattling nearby. Although I understand that it is very difficult. I myself can hardly stand loud music and give this advice from someone else's experience, not from my own.

Is it always possible to commune a sick person after confession?
I think, Natasha, that it is not always possible to give communion to a sick person after confession. I had such a case. One patient said that he believed in Christ, but when we began to talk in more detail with him, it turned out that he did not believe in the resurrection of Christ from the dead. He knew that there was such a person, historical, that Christ was crucified on the cross, but he could not believe that He rose from the dead. I could not confess him, I could not commune him. If a person is not going to give up his sins, if he does not want to fight the sin of drunkenness, if he is not going to quit using drugs, if he cannot stop living in fornication, of course, such a person cannot be given communion. And, probably, one cannot even read the prayer that would resolve him from these sins. If there is no repentance, what can you do? You can talk to him, you can try to convince him, you can try to set his heart to rejection of sin. But, of course, we cannot force him. And in this case, of course, you cannot receive communion.

How can you overcome the resistance of temple workers and priests to social work?
Sometimes, Marin, I think that probably the nurses in the hospital would have liked it better if there were no patients in the department at all. No one would require care, no need to give anyone injections or perform other procedures. You could sit quietly in your seat, fill out medical records, drink tea, talk on the phone. The hospital would have perfect cleanliness, there would be no need to frequently wash the floor, there would be no need to change the laundry: take the dirty to the wash, receive new ones. It would be much easier to work if there were no sick people. So, probably, in the church. Of course, it's good when there are few people. I myself like to pray in the church when there are fewer people there. But if a person wants such a life, he probably should not be a priest. Probably, he needs to go into the desert, go to a monastery, shut himself up in a cave, where no one will disturb him. Of course, people who come to the temple, especially if there are many of them, they create disorder, noise. They talk, especially if they are not church people. We now have one percent of the population attending church on Sundays, even less than one percent of the population of our country. And the task of the Church is to attract other people to faith. Tell them about Christ, help them learn about God. If this task is not fulfilled, then, of course, we will remain in the minority, the Church will die out. We will go to the ghetto, go into some kind of self-isolation. Maybe it will be so in the last days, but, probably, they have not come yet. And our task is to accept with love everyone who comes, no matter what kind of people they are, no matter how they are dressed, no matter how they behave at first in the church. Our task is to help them, teach, explain how to behave, help them learn about God, learn about Christ. You need to ask these people to keep order, outward piety. But you also need to understand that it is not immediately possible to teach this. How to relate to those people who cannot bear it? I think the same as with this petitioner, as well as towards the homeless. Well, what if the father does not understand this? We must feel sorry for this priest, pray for him, probably. I think that over time, maybe he will understand this, if you tell him about the needs of these people, if you help him understand what a difficult condition their souls are in. I think that if you do this, then, in the end, even a priest who loves absolute order will still wake up pity in his heart, pity in him and love in his heart.

My husband works as an exercise therapy instructor in a hospital. The bosses demand quantity at the expense of quality. The husband is discouraged and complains about the depravity of modern medicine.
It's a pity, Nastenka, that your husband, being probably a real doctor, is in such a difficult situation. But you know, there are a lot of doctors, but there are not so many holy non-silversmiths, those doctors who did not think about money. You write that the terrible facts of corruption, rottenness of modern medicine plunge into despondency. Nastenka, the world we live in is rotting. Not only medicine is rotting, art is rotting, bureaucracy is rotting. Forgive me, but in the church there is this rottenness, unfortunately. All these phenomena are in the church, and even in monasteries. And you know, when the Lord came to earth, those people who should have accepted Him, those people who taught the Law that He gave them, those people who thought they were serving God, crucified him. Where next? You will say: "It was when people did not know the new commandments, did not know the new life in Christ." But there were times when bishops persecuted their brethren. The most ardent opponents of St. John Chrysostom were the bishops, the Orthodox tsarina and the Orthodox tsar. Now they are saying that it would be nice if we had Orthodox rulers. These Orthodox rulers were the persecutors of the great saint. Where next? Here is corruption, here is rot. Take Russian history. Mad Tsar Ivan the Terrible, whom some now want to canonize. He burst into monasteries, killed ascetics, shed blood. It is known how debauchery flourished in some royal families, adultery flourished. The world is sick with sin. But one must live in this world, one must live with God, one must do good. We must not be afraid of this rottenness, this corruption, we must resist this. And it's great that your husband behaves like that. Don't be discouraged, God is with us. And, of course, God is stronger than all this rottenness. And, of course, God is stronger than all this corruption. “All the evil of this world,” said St. John Chrysostom, “before the goodness of God is like a drop before the ocean, and even less than a drop. Because the ocean has shores, and the goodness of God knows no boundaries. " If you live in this sea of ​​the goodness of God, if you join this sea. If this sea is reflected in the heart of your husband, then he will not be afraid of anything.

What charitable organizations that help the elderly would you recommend to cooperate with in the central black earth region?
There is a question here about how to find foundations and charitable organizations that are involved in the patronage of elderly people with disabilities in the central region? I think, Galya, you need to contact the Association of Sisterhoods, which was created in Moscow, in the Martha-Mariinsky Convent. Perhaps with Olga Yuryevna Egorova, who is in charge of our patronage issues in the Sisterhood of St. Demetrius. Their coordinates can be found, I think, on the website miloserdie.ru

How to help a friend if she starts to be tempted against her confessor?
Unfortunately, Svetochka, such temptations against the confessor are quite common. For the devil, it is very important to separate a person and his confessor, because without a confessor, without spiritual guidance, a person often turns out to be a helpless, unreasonable baby in front of the evil that he encounters in life. And therefore, sooner or later, such temptations visit, perhaps, all people who strive for spiritual guidance. How can I help here? Of course, you can help with prayer. You can, of course, help explaining that she misunderstands the actions of the confessor behind whom love is hidden. And not always the confessor can stroke the head, speak kind words. Father Pavel Troitsky, a wonderful elder, ascetic, confessor, wonderful saint of the twentieth century, said that a confessor should be strict. And if he is strict, you need to thank God for this. Because without this severity, we, the weak and sinful, very often, unfortunately, begin to dissolve, relax, and cannot correct ourselves.

In the announcement of the beginning of social work at the parish, the priest indicated only his phone number and did not indicate mine (the social worker). Why did he do that?
I think Zinochka, probably the father wants to start organizing a volunteer service, wants to start organizing all the deeds of mercy in the parish. And so he gave his phone. I think he wants to start it, organize it. Do you need to go up to him and ask if your help is needed? I think that over time he himself will understand that he cannot cope on his own, or maybe he plans so in order to involve you later in this case. So you don’t need to be upset, you don’t need to think that you are out of work. And you need to get involved in it yourself, help someone yourself, go to the sick yourself, do something yourself. And if necessary, the priest will probably involve you in organizing all the deeds of mercy.

We take care of children in oncology (in Buryatia). In addition to the cross, many have a Buddhist amulet around their necks. How to be?
I think that, of course, only a cross should be on a person's chest. Unfortunately, nowadays a lot of people do not understand this. Many Orthodox girls, along with the cross, wear some other jewelry. Sometimes icons of saints are worn along with the cross, sometimes some kind of amulet. In fact, according to the canons, the wearing of such items, of course, is not allowed. There can only be a cross on a person's chest, as a sign of our salvation, as a symbol of the fact that we belong to the Christian faith. If a person wears a Buddhist sign just as an adornment and if he treats it this way, maybe you can close your eyes to it. If this sign means his disposition to some Buddhist beliefs, if he resorts to the help of this Buddhist religion ... Although in reality Buddhism is not a religion, its founder founded it as such a teaching as a way to avoid suffering. But in our time, of course, this movement is taking shape as a religion. If this person still has some kind of connection with this religion, then, of course, you need to explain to him that you need to choose one thing. Either Christianity and wear the cross, or then be a Buddhist. But then you can neither confess nor receive communion.

A familiar altar boy asks if it is possible to take communion at each Liturgy?
I must tell your friend Sash that “is it possible to take communion every day” you need to ask your confessor. I am afraid that in our time there are very few people who would be ready to receive communion every day. A person can receive communion every day if he is ready to die for Christ every day. A person who lives the church life can receive communion every day. A person who does not live in a family, maybe. Because family relationships do not involve the daily sacrament. (Reads: If you stay in the church after communion, you cannot keep it clean. What to do?) I don’t quite understand what it means “you cannot keep”. Is the temple clean? The question is not entirely clear.

If the priest does not give answers to questions, and there is no experienced mentor. What to do?
I think we need to find a priest who would answer your questions. Probably, there are such priests in the Chelyabinsk and Zlatoust dioceses, in my opinion, as far as I know. Of course, you need to pray to God to send an experienced mentor. In general, such a mentor must be earned. Earn obedience, earn striving for God. All truth must be endured. Truth does not come as easily as semolina from a spoon to a baby's mouth. We need to look for it, because it is very expensive. This is a very important and valuable thing in this world. The person who receives it must understand that in order to receive it, you need to overcome some kind of work. Truth, it is high. To know her, you need to grow up a little. Truth, it is pure. To accept it, you need to cleanse yourself of the dirt. And, of course, you need to ask God for help, you need to pray to God. I think the Lord will arrange everything then.

Can I take medications for outbursts of anger and aggression? Where does irritability come from?
Is it possible to take medications for irritability, you probably need to ask a doctor. If this irritability is painful, associated with some kind of physical illness, somatic illness, then, of course, you need to take some kind of medicine. How do you know where your anger and irritability are coming from? From ailments or from demons. I think it doesn't matter where the anger and irritability come from. It is important that you need to fight in both cases, and with anger and irritability. Different passions can cause anger and irritability. This is usually associated with pride. Maybe irritability increases when a person, well, there, say, did not have lunch. His gluttony, his attachment to food, it also, as it were, increases this irritability. Or when a person, there, is possessed by some other passion and cannot satisfy it. Then he starts to get annoyed. This can be found out empirically, but the main thing is to deal with irritability and anger, wherever they come from.

The more you try to overcome passion, the more clearly you understand that you are weak. Despair sets in ...
Dear Olya, I must say that I can subscribe to your words too. I cannot say that I got rid of all passions. I can say, like you, that I have not got rid of any passion. And that sometimes they come out at the most inopportune moment. I think there is no need to despair. The Lord says: "In what I find, in that I judge." If the Lord catches you in a struggle with all these passions, then you will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

If a person in a conversation often complains that everyone around him is offended. Should I listen to it or not?
If a person, Yulia, complains about everything, you probably need to listen to him first. And then, to gently tell him that you should not be offended. There was such a wonderful elder in Optina Pustyn. When monks came to him and complained that they were offended, that they had been treated unfairly, he first listened to them, felt sorry for them. And then he said: "Well, you know, you still have to act like a Christian." And he advised them to come to terms with the offender. I don’t know: the person who complains about everything, whether he is a Christian. If he is not a Christian, then maybe there is no need to remind him of this commandment, but you need to act somehow differently. But you can, of course, listen to a person, feel sorry for him, even if he is complaining unfairly.

What is the correct way to commemorate non-church relatives with alms?
I think, Lenochka, formally asking every beggar to whom you give alms to pray for this or that person is not worth it. Not all beggars who even sit near churches are Orthodox believers. You can give alms just in memory of some person and pray to God yourself. But, if a person begging for alms is an Orthodox believer, ask him to pray for his deceased relatives, I think it is possible.

When we are scolded, it’s a blessing, but if such “biting” into the system, how to behave?
I think, Anya, in any situation when we are unfairly scolded, "bitten", as you write, in any case we must learn to endure. I think that people, of course, sometimes act unfairly and wrongly, but our business with you is to correct ourselves, not other people. And you can correct other people with love and humility.

How to come to terms with life's circumstances, share your personal experience, Vladyka!
In my personal experience, Lyudochka, it often happened that I had to put up with it. I once read somewhere that a saint, when such temptations happened to him, repeated to himself like a prayer the words from the Psalter: "It is good for me, Lord, that thou hast humbled me." If a person understands the benefits of humility, if he understands that he really cannot humble himself, if he turns to God with some even effort, and maybe even with some violence against himself, maybe even without fully understanding , taking offense at the insult, but still realizing that it is necessary to swallow this bitter medicine, repeats these words: "It is good for me, Lord, that you have humbled me", I think that the Lord, for his desire to learn humility, will gradually teach him to humble himself, even in the most difficult circumstances.

Advise on how to deal with mutual seduction (for example, food or irritation). Do I need to move away from such people?
Of course, Ivan, there is such a problem that we interfere with each other, but do not help. Of course, you need to be able to resist this temptation. And even the Gospel says that "a man's enemies are his own household." Therefore, you need to be able to resist these temptations. You need to be able to distance yourself from such people, if they are not close people. All the same, you need to be able to act as you see fit, to act according to your conscience. But sometimes, if this is some kind of smallness, you can, so as not to offend the other, not to upset him with this person, to act as you did not act, maybe if you were alone. In order not to be fit, not to be conceited that you are better than this person and so that he does not know about your high internal structure. In this case, sometimes you need to humbly, calmly, maybe, eat something non-fast that you are offered, maybe have dinner in the evening, although you were not going to do this, maybe talk with a person, even about nothing, if he sad to one, say, but you do not want to indulge in idle talk nevertheless. Sometimes you need to make some concessions.

Our family has domestic staff. How to properly, in a Christian way, build your relationship with him?
Dear Masha, I am very glad that you have such an au pair. I think it's not bad to have such a nanny so that you can do your favorite thing. But, of course, in such families before, educated and rich, there was a special attitude towards servants. The servant was, as it were, a member of the family. I think that you also have some elderly people. And therefore, on the one hand, you can, of course, ask them about something, you can make a comment gently and calmly. But you need to do it with love, with humility. It is necessary that the children they bring up do not consider them second-class people. I remember how Agrippina Nikolaevna, who was the cell attendant of Pavel Troitsky's father, said that in childhood her father asked her to clean her shoes. And not only the boots of the family members, but also the boots of the servants. And she remembers what huge boots the janitor had, who was cleaning their there in the yard, and how she asked in horror: "So what, the janitor's boots too?" Dad said, "Yes, and the janitor's boots too." Although they were very large, and, probably, for a little girl it was a great deal of work to clean the boots herself. So, of course, it is necessary, like this, probably, to bring up children. If the servant does not cope with her duties, if she begins to harm the children, it is probably necessary to get rid of such people and look for some new household helpers.

How to survive the pain of the soul after being accused of actions that you did not commit?
I think, Allochka, that this pain of the soul, of course, can be opened before God, you can share it with some close person, with your husband, with a friend. You can and should tell your confessor about this. And to win, of course, this can and should be done through prayer. And this pain must be endured. This pain is precisely the pain of love, pain for other people, pain as a sacrifice for the sins of others. Thus you accept, even a small part, but in the sacrifice that the Lord made on the cross for the sins of the world.

Despite the hard work, mine and my husband's, we live more than modestly - even in poverty. I am desperate, crying at night. We have four children. How can you learn to trust in God?
Dear Vera, why, my dear, sob at night because you live in poverty? Why work frantically, my dear, trying to live richly? You need to come to terms. It's good that you live in poverty. It is necessary to remember the words of Christ in the Gospel: "It is difficult for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Therefore, of course, this poverty must be endured. One poet has such words ... He really was so fashionable in Soviet times, he was translated by Marshak. This is the Scottish poet Robert Burns. He wrote: "Whoever is ashamed of his honest poverty and everything else is the lowest of people, a cowardly slave and so on." Why should we be afraid of honest poverty? We are doing everything we can. Of course, I would like your crying at night was not about material poverty, but about sins. Of course, I would like you to work furiously not so that the children live like your neighbors, say, the rich, but so that your children learn about faith, strengthen in faith, learn about God, so that the children go to church. This requires frenzied work on the spiritual plane. And the fact that there is some kind of poverty, I think that it is very good and very useful in fact. This is useful for children as well. And we know that living in poverty in peace and tranquility is such a high nobility of the soul. In the twentieth century, when many emigrants, rich people, left for the West, they lived very poorly. And they carried this poverty very worthily. And, of course, if children live in poverty, live modestly, this will help them in the future to understand that life is not determined by poverty. As in England it is said that a person's life, his joy, his happiness does not depend on the abundance of his property. This must be remembered.

My friends have godfathers, a monk and a nun. Do the rules of the Nomokanon work in modern life? Why do monks in dignity get married?
Dear Tanechka, of course, the Nomokanon rule in our time cannot always be observed. If some people became godparents and then became monks and nuns, there is probably nothing wrong with that. I know that some bishops are godparents to the children of wealthy parents, for example. So this is probably possible as an exception. If this happens, you must ask this monk, this nun to pray fervently for your children. Probably, they will not be able to participate in education if they live in monasteries, but, of course, they can pray. And this prayer, perhaps, is the most important thing that children need. Monastics in dignity perform the sacrament of marriage. They do this because the present life is a little different from what it was when the rules of the Nomokanon were drawn up. We sometimes have monks living outside the monasteries. If they live outside monasteries, then, of course, they have to perform all church ordinances at the parish, including the sacrament of wedding.

Should the husband, who left the family, be forgiven if he asks back (has a son)?
Dear Julia, it is very difficult to answer your question. The rule is this: love must transcend the law. But, of course, there are situations when it is simply impossible to accept a husband back. This also happens. And in this situation - what to do - you probably need to consult with your confessor. Probably need to pray to God. Of course, it's a pity if the son is left without a father. But it can be even worse if the son has a drunken father or a father who is unfaithful to his wife. I don’t know why your husband left the family and what he did when he lived outside the family. Therefore, I cannot answer your question for sure.

I have a godson, my nephew, I spend a lot of time with him, but sometimes he plays pranks and I get annoyed. How to restrain yourself?
Dear Lenochka, you can't, my dear, be angry and annoyed with children. He's just small, they don't know how to behave, of course. Of course, they make a noise, of course, they sometimes cry for nothing, of course, they are capricious, but such irritation at children indicates a terrible passion - pride, a person's pride. God is not angry with them, God forgives them everything. If such children go to the Kingdom of Heaven before the age of seven, then the church does not pray for the forgiveness of their sins. God does not impute these sins to them. These are not sins, these are some such weaknesses, some imperfections. This is not at all like an adult. You can't try on your behavior on them. When we shout and do something, you and I are responsible for what we do. We are able to stop ourselves, they are not able, they are small. Therefore, of course, it is imperative to repent of this and in no case be annoyed with children.

Vladyka, you said that you know many brides and can introduce them. Introduce, please!
Dear Eugene, I really know a lot of good brides, a lot of girls who would like to get married. But I am afraid that such a correspondence acquaintance will not always have a good result. Therefore, if you want to get to know them, you need to come to Moscow, live for six months, I’ll look at you, work somewhere with us, find yourself some kind of apartment, maybe. And then it will be possible to decide the question of marriage. And so in absentia, I somehow do not dare to do this.

Is confession required before the sacrament? The husband is not very churchgoed - he is not ready for confession, but he wants to get married.
I think, Tanyusha, that, of course, if the husband wants to get married just formally, this cannot be done. If he does not want to repent of his sins, then how can he be admitted to the wedding. I would not marry such a person. Maybe I could talk to him? What are the reasons for him? Why does he refuse to confess and receive communion? After all, the wedding is performed by God. And God celebrates the Eucharist, God makes confession. If he refuses to be with God in two very important, basic ordinances, and only wants to marry his wife, what are the reasons for this desire?

Is it okay to pray for baptized but unbelieving relatives, or should this be done with caution?
I think that you can pray for your baptized but unbelieving relatives with great care. If they are relatives. But if unbelievers, be careful.

My brother hanged himself. He was given a burial service, but I'm not sure if he was sick. Can you pray for him in the temple? And how to get rid of the sin of jealousy?
Yulia, dear, I don't know if your cousin was really sick. If he was sick, then, of course, he could be sung. If he was not sick and deliberately committed this terrible sin, then, probably, this funeral service was a wrong action on the part of the priest, or on the part of the bishop, maybe. But I can't figure it out, unfortunately. Therefore, you should act according to your conscience. You can pray for him in any case. But if this was not a consequence of the illness this act, then, of course, it is impossible to write it in notes, and to commemorate the whole church at the liturgy. And only home private prayer about him is permissible. How to get rid of the sin of jealousy? The sin of jealousy, Yulia, is a sin against love. Some say that jealousy arises from love. Jealousy does not come from love. It comes from pride. When a person loves himself very much, then he becomes jealous. He wants love to be loved, but he himself does not know how to love and does not want to. Therefore, jealousy appears. It is, of course, a terrible demonic sin that brought one man to the murder of his wonderful wife. You've probably heard the story about Desdemona, right? So it is imperative to fight this sin.

How do you feel about eternal fires?
How do you feel about the eternal fires that burn on the graves of our dead soldiers? Well, you see, this is some tradition that has become part of such a ubiquitous custom in our country. Newlyweds come to these eternal lights, lay flowers at the eternal lights, church people come to the eternal lights and pray there for the repose of the dead. I think that the form in which the memory of the heroic deeds of our fathers, grandfathers, great-grandfathers is commemorated is not so important, how important is the memory of them and prayer for them. The fact that it is expressed in such a form, which is not quite ecclesiastical, it seems to me, is not so scary.

The heating in my house does not work. I'm freezing, and the officials are demanding payment. My patience is on the verge of breaking. What to do?
Dear Nadia, God help you to establish heating in your house. God help you, endure all the troubles that officials bring you. God help you to be patient. If you need any help, you can write to us at miloserdie.ru, maybe we can help you with something.

Ekaterina Stepanova
Decryption: Yulia Sokolova