Sometimes we keep silence to protect our relationship, but often it only creates a distance between partners. In relations, partners "play in the silence" when they experience anger, disappointment or any other negative emotions in relation to each other.

Why should pay attention to the silence of the partner

Short periods of silence that are usually transmitted to a regular dialogue can be positive Moment. From time to time, we all need space to "clean thoughts", and silence helps to do it. But if these periods of silence become longer and frequent, it is a potential catalyst for deteriorating relations. The reason is that effective communication is the most important component of any successful cooperation.

1. Inattention and misunderstanding

Typical scenario: one partner feels bad because of the actions of another and directly tells him about it. However, in response, he receives either silence, or an ambiguing problem. He is told that he misunderstood everything, or that he should not take this problem too close to the heart. When such a behavior of one of the partners becomes too frequent, and one or both partners are prone to silence, it begins to slowly destroy the relationship.

Experts give several recommendations that can prevent difficulties in communicating when you decide to discuss these problems. The first recommendation is to refrain from text messages to discuss the problem in your ratings. The reason is simple: text messaging cannot transmit body language or intonation, which are the main components of efficient communication. Secondly, it is important to choose a place to conversation that will not distract you. Lefting with each other alone without potential distracting factors, you increase the efficiency of interaction, as well as stimulate the visual contact. Thirdly, you should try to practice empathy. Keep in mind that, although you do not need to express your consent with a partner, if it contradicts your beliefs, you must show your understanding and readiness to participate in conversations, no matter how difficult it is.

2. Hoigfe

Hostility in relationships is a recognized killer of proximity. Hostility often arises due to the negative actions of one partner (real or those perceived), the lack of responsibility or inaction in a situation that requires interference from its part. When such behavior is repeated, despite the discussion of problematic issues, one or both partners begin to experience a quiet indignation.

To solve this problem, you should try to understand your spouse and discuss why he or she behaves in this way. Perhaps the partner's behavior has a certain goal that you do not know. Ideally, a mutual agreement must be achieved, which may require a compromise from both of you.

3. Sexy dissatisfaction

When one or both partners feel that their sexual needs are not satisfied, this topic is often not solved to discuss. Causes of feelings of dissatisfaction may be different, but usually the problem appears due to the insufficient frequency of sexual acts or their absence.

But regardless of the causes of feeling of sexual dissatisfaction, it can become a serious test for relationships. For example, if a man collided with this problem, he can begin to count the topic of sex forbidden or unnecessary and not even attempt to discuss it. In addition, he can actually fear that the recognition of the problem will affect the feelings of the partner.

Despite this, understandable oscillation, this problem really requires a solution. Sexual proximity is an important part of the relationship, and they can collapse without a healthy sex life.

4. Implicit disappointment

Disappointment in a person you love is a very difficult feeling. In fact, some relationships end due to unbearable disappointment in others. Even more complicates this problem that one or both partners do not want to notice these feelings. As a result, it is painfully difficult for them to understand and formulate any disappointment relative to their partner.

First of all, it is necessary to admit yourself that your partner disappointed you, and feel it to the fullest, before you say about this to another person. It actually frees you from pain that will appear if you accumulate resentment and disappointment in yourself, because they all concern the person you love.

5. No confidence

The lack of confidence in its partner often appears as a result of betrayal or disregard from the beloved person in the past, and this experience is postponed to new relations. Although this lack of trust is manifested in a new relationship, he can make himself felt later in the form of suspicion.

Regardless of the reason, the decision not to discuss mistrust in your relationship sooner or later will lead to tensions between you. With a large share of the likelihood of relationships will deteriorate, which can lead to a rupture.

If you suppress important feelingsIn order not to upset your partner or for some other reasons, it is important to recognize your unsatisfied needs and work on the problem until you find a decision. To get rid of suspicion, which appeared as a result of past experience or traumatic events, the help of a specialist is often needed. In other cases, sincere conversation with his partner can also help you get rid of jealousy and suspicions that undermine trust in your favorite person.

Although it looks like absolute inaction), which has a deep meaning.

The absence of words does not mean that they disappeared. It may seem to us that we stop communicating when we are silent. However, in fact, at this time we transmit a lot of information "to the interlocutor".

Usually we do not realize how much time we lose, leading conversations that do not have much sense.

But, generally speaking, they have the meaning of them - to hide ,.

Silence causes a sense of loneliness

Are you afraid of loneliness? Keep silence is difficult because it often causes us a sense of loneliness. We get used to a certain noise around us, including to the "noise" conversations.

We are experiencing a subconscious fear to lose your family that supports us. We are afraid to lose the people who love us, friends who understand us and with whom can always be spoken.

Therefore, we scares the prospect of separating yourself from them by the wall of silence. Therefore, we try to prevent this wall.

It helps to make conversations. we we lose weight, talking about what we didWhere are going to do or about what we would like to do.

We are discussing our desires and frustrations, pour our emotions.

All this we express with the help of words. Thought just get silent rarely comes to us.

Silence encourages us to reflections, to dust in Your inner world.But this can also cause fear.

This fear needs to be overcome. Silence, an internal dialogue occurring under his "curtain" will help you find the solution of your problems. This will help prevent many mistakes and correct those that are made.

Store silence - show only your best side

Fear and infinite conversations generated by him lead to the fact that we try to show interlocutors only their best way.

We tirelessly talk, fearing that if we are silent, people will think that we are not all good that we have problems.

We pretend to others and sometimes they themselves begin to believe in our lies.

And about the fact that we have problems, not our silence, but what we do not silence for a minute. We seem to be afraid to stay alone with you and deepen in your inner world.

Do you feel happy? What are you really? Ideally, these questions should cause you a smile and fast and clear answer.

But it happens not always.

When was the last time you had a feeling of happiness and did you enjoy the moment that you worry?

Words help us disguise our real problems that we try to hide from ourselves.

Enjoy silence

Probably sometimes you notice that you are talking to yourself. When you do something at home and there is no one next to you.

Such involuntary activity helps us avoid silence, which we do not like.

But imagine that you are in an empty room, in the dark, and you can not get out from there until complete silence comes.

First you will be difficult to silent. You will talk to you, cry, shout ... But, in the end, you will come to silence.

You will learn to be silent when the words are exhausted,and you can enjoy silence. Then you will disable for yourself what I did not know before:

• You realize your fear to stay alone, but you will understand that loneliness you are threatened. Remember, you can always be "alone with you."
• You will cease to blame other people in your troubles. You will begin to take responsibility for everything that happens to you.
• You will become better to understand what your good side is, and what is bad.
• You will understand what is stupid want to like everyone And to depict the one who you are not.

Silence helps us think before talking Analyze the situation and your attitude towards it, understand how to act.

No man- Neither talk to souls, nor silent together. What else can you expect from any person? Work and life is difficult, everything will turn out as much as I would like. With the slightest failure, he is ready to hide in the bushes. With one thing only, it is impossible to make "right", he announces: "Fine! Make everything yourself! Just do not come to me and do not complain that you have nothing left! " And he does nothing calmly.

No man of timbers and is not confident in herself, always concerned about something, he has a good language, but it has to be silent, since he has nothing to say to people. Perhaps he thus avoids quarrels, conflicts, mutual offense. Silence, it seems to be a way out, but the goal is unattainable: if a person does not know how to talk to people, then get along too!

The answer is no man - silence and inaction. The basis is the fear of doing wrong.

Your goal: Call him to the conversation.

Plan a few attempts to talk.
Specify open questions.
Detach the situation.
Try to guess what he thinks about.
Show prospects.

Because of the fear, smash the boat any person can be thrown overboard. If you charge him, he will not do anything, as it doubts that someone needs it. He is confident that nothing will change from whether he will express his opinion or silent. No person will delay the case, and if you press him, he will generally refuse to do anything. He accuse you to distrust him and incompetence. Now he has the full right to eliminate and do nothing.

No man tries not to conflict openly, but hardly holding back the malice: breaks the pencils, chlorides boxes. If you ask such a person what happened, he will answer: "Nothing!" Thus, no person shows passive aggression.

Try to talk with any person, clarify his doubts and fears.

1. Impatience in relation to any person will lead to the collapse of your relationship. Your irritation immerses any person even more in nothing. Be patient. Be calm and cold-blooded. Do not hurry. Effective any person can output anyone. If you have no time to mess with him, you are compressed, it is simply incorrectly installed. Plan a few conversations with any person if the first time it does not work, you still have a chance! In the end, no person can go with you to communicate to get rid of your persistent attempts to talk.

2. Ask questions to which one cannot give a single answer: "What?", "Who?", "When?", "How?", "What do you think?", "What will we do next?". Ask a question no man so that your behavior (facial express emotional condition) I wrote to the answer. You need to look at him intently and expectantly. Repeat the question. On the answer "I do not know!" Tell me: "So come up with something!", "Guess!", "And if I knew that it could be?". Throw it the most awaiting one of your eyes.

3. Detach the situation. Judge without sarcasm. Absurd assumptions about the reason for silence, no person will call a smile and disarm it. Specify the Questions of Groteski. For example, the report of the report passed. Ask any person when he finishes a report, a year later, in a month? You may still get the answer that he plans to pass a report in a week.

Inconsider any person options for dialogue: "I will ask a question, and you are Migney once, if not, and two - if yes." But joking carefully. If you see that no man begins to get out of herself, apologize, explain what they strove to a friendly conversation.

Call any person to the conversation, use:

What would we do if we had brains?
Problems of blacks sheriff do not worry.
I'm with you to the end.
Let me take a loan.
The problem is not that you are silent, but in how well it turns out.
Are you trying to eat?
And you have a word, then the matter!
Here I like it - large, fool!
I follow you, and I like you.
It's time for you to give up to the authorities.
If we tell the truth, sooner or later you will be launched on clean water.
It is better to wear out than to rust!
I know you scary. But I, too.
You have the ability to say "no" with your body.
It is necessary only to losers.
Listen to the vocals in your head.

4. If no person is silent, try to put yourself in his place and understand the reasons for his silence. Copy the position and expression of the face of any person and you will understand what he is now feels. Express assumptions: "I don't know what is happening to you, but it seems to me that ...", "I can only guess, however ...". If you are on the right track, no person will most likely begin to talk to you. So, having passed a long and difficult path, proceed to the dialogue with any person.

5. Try to transfer the conversation from the present to the future. Show the consequences of unbearable silence and inactivity: the anger of the chef, conflicts with customers, quarrels with colleagues. "Excellent, you don't have to talk to me, but nothing good will come out if we all close in our shell. This will destroy confidence in the team, breeds conflicts and dislike. " If no person spoke, but it is difficult for you to understand it, in no case disrupt and not stop it. He must learn to express his thoughts out loud.

What to do if you yourself have no person?

If in a difficult situation you will clic down, getting angry and throw the started, stop and tell me the phrase epodium. In informal dialogue, you can say the encoding out loud, it will defuse the situation, will help you tune in to the conversation and express your suggestions. For example:

The presence of the result is also the result!
"I can not" live on the street "I do not want."

Care from conflict will only worsen the situation. Do not become a silent victim of your fears. Talk to conflict participants. Or find support in your environment. Sometimes it is enough just to speak to find the opportunity to solve the problem.

Learn to talk to people. Being in society, try to speak out loud. Express your feelings more often. Do it safely, not offended by others. For example: "When you say so loud as now, it seems to me that you shout at me. In the future, I would like you to talk to me more relaxed tone. "

According to books:

R. Brinkman "Genius of Communication".

V. Petrovsky, A. Khodorych "Encodes. How to agree with anyone about anything. "

If you have ever been in a situation where you need to attract the attention of a whole school class or people, you must have noticed: it will be more effective to silence.

When a teacher or speaker is silent, the audience begins to experience interest in him. Silence of the lecturer sends a signal: something happened. And listening to try to focus to understand why communication ceased.

This applies not only to public speeches, but also everyday conversations. When we are silent, people are concentrated and we will take their attention.

Sometimes we talk too much extra words, explain too much. If the question is meeting, it means that it is the best answer to it. We can also soften the rigidity of the negative response of silence. Not to say "no" directly, we avoid rudeness and verification. Perhaps silence as a response - best exit From a difficult situation.

Ludovic Hirlimann / Flickr.com

Another example: someone said what we disagree with, or what we find offensive. Constratusing yourself and knew in response, we send a powerful signal: "I don't like it, I disagree with you."

Silence engines body language

And gestures often expressive words spoken out loud. Facial expression, gestures, visual contact and voice tone talk about many. Ability to decipher and correctly understand the body language can be a powerful tool to be used in everyday communication: to communicate with other people and creating strong relationships.

Silence is a manifestation of sympathy.

There are such moments in life when silence is equivalent to expressing sympathy and signals that you understand the other person.

Sometimes the correct words simply do not exist.

Pain or grief hard to learn a conversation. But to show how we care about a friend and are experiencing for him, very simple with silence.

Silence is politeness

We are constantly surrounding the information noise. On radio and TV, music in elevators, shops and offices, notifications on smartphones and tablets ... Moreover, people around us are also not lifted and constantly talking. The feeling that we must communicate for communication as such, so as not to be excluded from social life, captures with your head.

We fight with information noise around. And when you keep the word, convulsely try to squeeze the maximum of information in a minimum of time.

But when we are silent, we show the interlocutor, which is carefully listening to him and respectively, we treat every word to them.

Thus, silence is a powerful tool that can make you a good speaker. Silence is a big power that you want to use.

Practice the ability to be silent.

"Better saying, do not say anything, everything will be resolved somehow!" - How often do we talk to yourself these words when we want to avoid conflict. And for a long time they hover in Molchanka, as if they fall into the abyss of alienation. This dangerous game can delay for weeks, months, and sometimes years. What is the danger of silence and why is the worst version of the resolution of the conflict? Let's grow up ...

First, silence - seatingman of the negative

Does not mean the lack of thought, that is, mental silence. Because no matter how a person wants to get angry from the situation, to order his thoughts, so as not to come to his head, he cannot. Sooner or later they are there, accumulate there and, without exposing careful analysis and selection, grow and multiply to gigantic sizes (from flies in an elephant, well, you know). There was not one bitch on the fertile soil of silence. They create huge mental dumps, dark mysterious corridors, rushing in which, a person turns into a creature, which is easily controlled by darkness.

Silence is the most favorable environment for dark demonic entities that simply adore it, bathe in it like a boiling boiler, fat and gain strength. At the same time, a person also sometimes has pleasure from collecting dirt inside himself and sees a special charm of negative pleasure in this. He is saying: "Yes, enough already to change the sawdust, forget and sorry!" Where there! Do not come to me, I offended once and forever!

Therefore, the most insignificant quarrel that could be resolved at the same time with simple explanations, hesitated inside until unthinkable sizes and once fell on his head no suspect opponent, it would seem in the same place. In fact, all this is a legitimate result of a silence.

Secondly, silence does not solve the problem

Silence does not allow conflict. It pours it deep into the subconscious, so that the explosion someday occurred. Unresolved manifests itself on a different level: diseases, mental disorders, stress, suicides, etc. And the problem itself, even hidden in silence, attracts concomitant problems associated with it. One, the second, third, while the person does not begin to choke from their abundance. Negative attracts the negative, and went-drove into geometric progression. Therefore, sometimes it is really better to speak sharply and immediately, and may even fight (depending on the degree of tension and temperament) than to keep it all in yourself.

Thirdly, Ignore is a psychological murder

Silence is ignoring, burning from the problem and from humans and, in principle, humiliation. "Yes, what to talk to him. He still does not understand anything and never understand! " Such an attitude is very hard perceived by people, because the person is social and self-identifies the creature only in contact with other people: in communication, in a conversation. When he is artificially deprived of this opportunity, he suffers, flows into the absence of herself, is experiencing uncertainty, depression and humiliation. "I'm nowhere and my name nobody." After all, silence means that he was rejected, pushed off. Some inventive manipulators use ignore in order to destroy a competitor. Because at this moment it is most weakened. Depressed and almost killed and demonstrative silence, it more often makes mistakes and becomes the subject of an additional negative assessment. Not only from the one who gave him an execution to ignoring, but also from the outside. Well, just the heart is bleeding to observe ... And to be in his place - the enemy does not wish.

Fourth, silence collects shelves

There is another dangerous side of silence. It lies in the fact that during the "Molchanka" man becomes sullen, closed and unhappy. Moreover, it happens in both directions. And the one who silent suddenly, and the one against whom the silence of Zanayan. They walk, silent, clogged into their holes, closed for a hundred locks. Do you think they are sweet there? Of course not. So they climb, like cockroaches, in search of what would be to get used and where to find a society of grateful listeners, sympathizing and admirers with supporters. This increases the number of unlucky negative people, because all new and new participants are involuntarily involved in the conflict. Heavyly alone in his silence, need support. Sometimes such melons create a whole army of those who are somehow silent and participate in their silent war. Who listens to the causes of combat silent action and sighs sympathetically. And whoever takes off their lips and joins the vote of silence against someone. It is so nice to be silent with someone "good" together against the "bad" someone ...

As you can see, this method of solving human conflicts is completely not suitable for the harmonization of relations, but only it harms them.

Short silence is useful

But sometimes silence is very helpful. Especially in the acute stage of the conflict, when a person is excited when the brain is feverishly trying to find a way out of the situation and resorts to all sorts of protective meansSometimes not the best. And sometimes - frankly dangerous for others. As a result of the excitement, in a state of affect, a person can talk a lot of superfluous, he does not think about words, says what has accumulated and piled. Surely, he will subsequently regret these words. Therefore, in such a situation it is better to silent and give yourself time for cooling. You can calm down and find more appropriate and not at all offensive words in order to solve contradiction.

However, verbal is still useful for the parties to the conflict than silence. If the opponents were silent before that, the cause of discontent and negative was incomprehensible, then after visiting everything changed, everything became more or less clear. In fact, it is necessary to conflict. He exposes problems. It is only necessary to try so that it is allowed to be constructive and not grew into the problem with many unnecessary words expressed in the fate.

People, especially in the family, very often hide their desires and problems, think that there is no time to talk about it or, believing that in this way they will preserve a good relationship And they can avoid sharp moments of gap. But the property of any negative is that he accumulates, we already talked about it. Just as joy. If a person is happiness, he will never cause evil neighbor. And vice versa, if you are in a negative, the negative is growing like a snowball, and rolls at anyone who did not have time to hide.

What is the way out?

Do not fall in silence more than a couple of days. During this time you have time to calm down, think everything and understand, look inside yourself, evaluate your capabilities and desires, understand the reasons. And with a cold head, tell about this man with whom the tense situation arose. If silence lasts for years, this is a signal large number Unresolved conflicts. Very alarming. As a rule, people who are involved in such artificial relations are sick and unhappy, embittered and aggressive. And flasl off in an even place for any reason.

When you put someone's conditions: "We will not communicate with you, and you will be happy! You have your own life! We have our own! " - This is not always happiness, especially between relatives. There will be no calm in this situation. This is an illusion that you will not affect the life of the near, if you ignore it, that is, to be silent. Very quickly, people understand that creating the situation of isolation between close relatives is almost impossible or very difficult. People still will somehow face and silence pain will increase the abyss of inhumanity between them.

There are also some moral moments that need to be considered. Because if this silence dragged into the mother and adult children, even in the absence of direct conflicts and clashes, she deeply wounds both sides. As it is impossible to break the maternal and related ties.

Therefore, please do not silent. You always have the opportunity instead of silent, find a suitable good word to break the vicious circle. Redesill yourself, humble your pride and dislike. Become a man, not a salt column without a heart. Do not turn another person in a humiliated outcast, no matter how much it is to blame, because it hurts and cruel. And most importantly - inhuman and devastating for your own soul. Our challenge on this earth is not to get angry from others and live with your lonely life, but to find happiness, to give happiness to someone. And the one who is respected, notice, who are considered and who love. We become happy, just living in peace and harmony with other people and communicating with them.