Family is not what is usually considered family. What is family, now know a few

Almost all of us have grown in families, although not always - in full. It would seem, everyone should know what it is - family. However, our psychologists who work with various family crises, argue that, in fact, almost none of the modern knows what the family is actually. And it is precisely this that does not allow people to create durable, happy families.
We do not apply for a complete disclosure of such a region as a family psychology, family relationships, but we will try to reveal the most important thing in this area - what is a family, what is the root of the difficulties of relationships in the family, which is the basis of a happy family, marriage.

Since a happy family is possible only between a real man and a real woman, read the realists on the site:

Responsibility and adoption - the role of men and women in the family

Masculinity is responsibility. A man is responsible for the final result. Not for explaining why it did not work, despite the fact that he did everything correctly. No, a man is responsible for, in the end, it turned out. And if it did not work out, it means that he did something wrong. The responsible man will not say: "You raised the child incorrectly." Where have you been? Worked? So you went to the fact that the child brought up your wife, as he knows how to think it is necessary. Answer now for it yourself, do not push it.
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Family ship is broken down about the ice of egoism

The family is not a toy. The family has its own laws. There is even a stolester that make wooden stools. And the laws of creating a happy family are much more complicated ... And what happens when creating modern families? Two people met, they liked each other, they lated and decided to create a good and beautiful house. Calculations, the sketches did not do, there is no foundation, but there is only a desire to live beautifully ...
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The family requires a hierarchy

Relationships in the family imply a high degree of confidence. My husband or my wife is the person who can rely on. No wonder there is such an understanding: "The husband is a stone wall." But the wife is a husband's assistant. Therefore, there must be a high degree of confidence and responsibility of one person for the other. I think that the family begins with the moment of weddings. Family education is a great mystery. Even unbelievers at the time of the wedding suddenly begin to understand what some sacrament occurred in their lives, which really made them a single being, was carried out inseparable. At this moment, great help is given to them, in addition to the efforts that they themselves are attached to the construction of the family.
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Commitments allow people to be together

What is a family when it is formed? The moment of registration unites two people, first of all, the fact that they give commitments to each other. Conscious of this or not, we give each other and obligations, and the right above. (Even if we treat with a fraction of irony to the procedure itself, which, indeed, is a parody of the mystery of the wedding.) After all, since ancient times there were such terrible things as an oath and vow. People were very afraid to swear in something false or violating this vow. Because they understood that words have a huge mystical meaning. And the stamp only reminds that these words were indeed uttered. It is obligations that you can be together. In all together. From the moment of registration, no "I" and "You", but "we". In the first years of the family of relationships, this presentation "we" should be entrenched.
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Marriage: End and Beginning of Freedom

Psychology of the family. Often you can hear that the family relationship is a prison for love with her freedom. This is true - but only if you put in love with the corner and romance. When people live together, they have to dive into non-inactive things: where to get money, how to survive the visit of the relatives of the spouse or what to do with dirty socks. Yes, all living people from somewhere dirty socks appear, and it is not possible to ignore this problem. For a purely romantic relationship, a special situation is needed - a luxurious palace or the sea shore, - where "unsightly" aspects of being can be hidden from each other. In addition, romantic love tends to oppose itself to the whole world and society with its institutions, including marriage. Do we know the novels and movies about about happy families, and even without betrayal?
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Do you need a hierarchy family?

In the modern world, it was so that every person tries to be in itself, catch "his wave", but no organization can exist without a leader. If there is no good "host" (this applies to any organization), an anarchy arises, the structure ceases to function, and the simple slipboard begins. In the end, the structure simply ceases to exist ...
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If you create a family, then for life

We understand that family relationship is the main thing, we are healthy thinking. I am satisfied with everything here, I have everything smoothly, everything is exactly, I'm absolutely not nervous here, I don't need anything else! After the first child appeared, I don't need anything at all! Children strongly strengthen the family, one can say, 90%. And when the second child appeared, it is such happiness that it is difficult to explain! Such a happy family no longer break.
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Country Family - Great Country

From my point of view, people created a family from the moment when they crossed the trait of friendly communication - when they entered the family relationship, that is, in close relationships. Another question, what family they created and what they have to pay for it. Very often, unfortunately, in this cohabitation from someone else there is genuine love, an attempt to implement it, and from the other person there is a desire to use its partner. It happens very often, and this is a very big mistake. From a spiritual point of view, the genuine family is the Union, which first asked for blessings from his parents, in society, God. Because love is a big deal that is conjugate as a sea transition, with storms, with difficulties ...
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The meaning of the family is the desire for happiness

What are people looking for marriage? They are looking for happiness. If any person who goes to the registry office or under the crown, ask what a person expects from his family, he, of course, will answer: happiness. And do not be shying this, because a person really should strive for happiness. And he hopes that when another person will appear next to him, who will love him and whom he will love, then it will be happiness. Are these people or not? I think, by and large, right. This is really happiness if you meet a person who will fill you, which will be the most native and close man. Because a person is such a creature that can not be one that seeks to communicate, and the highest full of communication is married. Therefore, of course, the family is happiness.
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Problems of relationships in a young family

The distortion of the family of psychology begins at the wedding and long before it. Very many women who are married, behave equally at the wedding, when the newlyweds believe to bite off a piece of punitive. They are so trying to bite more. She shouts: "Kusai more!" And the woman tries to swallow the maximum. According to the Moscow Provisional: "The wider the mouth will open, the more bite off." So try to open your mouth sewing, right up to dislocation. They do not even know that a family tragedy begins here. This is the beginning of a family pain in several generations.
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Apology of marriage

Why happy family is happiness? Because the family helps us all the time, every day to feel that there is someone who we love more than yourself. It is known, for example, that parents tend to love children more than children of parents. But parents from this do not become less happy. For children are able to give them much more joy, good mood, than we. Maybe it will sound somewhat pathetic, but I will say that the ratio of the forces of good and evil in the world depends on whether there is a peace in every particular family or there is sin and evil there. It is easier easy to scold the government, reformers, oligarchs, and to change wives themselves, to make abortions or throw children in the maternity hospital. Or even with permanent quarrels and conflicts to poison life to themselves and their loved ones.
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Creating a strong family need to learn

Family psychology. Close steady relationships between people, especially in the family, is a complex system, you can even say that the family is a living organism. It has its own interaction mechanisms, the principles of operation that allow this system for a long time and efficiently work. You can go and pulling the "cones", but only this is a very painful, the hardest way, which is associated with many unnecessary suffering. And there is no guarantee that experience will still be purchased. More often bumps are stuffed, but there is no sense.
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How to help your husband to be a decent head of the family. 12 postulates for women (part 1)

For any real man, no exception, the opinion of the woman is very important. Moreover, a man is ready, taking into account this opinion, to make truly heroic actions and even take working on himself. I often quote a joking, but very correct statement: "A man remains for a long time under the impression he produced on a woman."
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How to help your husband to be a decent head of the family. 12 postulates for women (part 2)

Sometimes a wife, in fact, clearly carries out power and is proud of it and praises before girlfriends who admire her. It is better to modestly retreat, under the wing of a husband and use the family for the benefit of his competence, ability, hidden energy, which is released when a man is given the opportunity to express themselves. If the man loses even the illusion that it is he is the head of the family, he begins to function simply badly, if not to say - tragic ...
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How to help your husband to be a decent head of the family. 12 postulates for women (part 3)

The house simply needs a man. The husband must exercise power, and to his wife to regard as the most important adviser, without discussing the issues with it not to accept any serious decision. Up to the fact that the wife should be an expert for him, with whose opinion on some issues he will be considered more than with his own. Recognition, for example, greater competence of his wife in affairs relating to the functioning of the house, is a manifestation of wisdom, and not a weakness of a man ...
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"People meet, people fall in love, marry"- Everyone knows this phrase of the famous song of the group "Funny guys." Also, we all know from children's fairy tales that Heppi End is a wedding of two loving hearts. On this fairy tale, as a rule, ends. And in reality from the wedding, everything starts. After all, marriage is not only holidays and fun, but also weekdays, life, resolving issues and other interesting moments. About how to keep love in the family, and will be speaking in this article.

Unfortunately, divorce statistics are too sad. And the causes of divorce are different: from financial difficulties to "not agreed by characters." But whatever this statistics are clear one thing: if there is love in a pair, then any difficulties on the shoulder. In general, "love" as a feeling is always in development. And if at the beginning of the relationship is passionate in love, then with time, love becomes much deeper and stronger. Of course, provided that the husband and wife care about their feelings. After all, love in the family is, above all, a huge work. This is working on yourself, and working on relationships. As-nothing, it does not always happen easily and just take, understand, hear and forgive. Yes, what's there, often it sucks so that there is no trace from the fervent passion and high feelings. And the worst thing: many think that this is normal. That it should be. That time, everyday affairs, emerging problems - precisely because of them feelings go no.

However, I will say differently: love in the family can and need to strengthen, maintain, warm up. And it is real - to preserve love to deep old age. Yes, yes, it is love, a warm feeling towards each other.

In my opinion, strong love in the family stands on 4 powerful supports.

The first is the first to communicate with each other.Unfortunately, many couples do not even find out the relationship, do not even try to figure out the problem situations, preferring to be offended and playing in silence. Talk to each other as often as possible. Discuss not only problems, but also cases, care, joyful moments. Share your feelings, thoughts, ideas. Tell me how your day went, how are you doing at work, what are your impressions from new events. Tell me about yourself, ask about it. In short, you are interested in each other. If misunderstanding arise, problems, do not leave it silence, ignoring. Otherwise, the problems will accumulate as a snowball, and sow inside with an unpleasant sediment. Do not pass by the lubricants of the partner. Always try to hear him, understand. Communication between husband and wife is a pledge of understanding in a pair.

Oporated second - trust.This is the basis of the foundations of family life. If there is no trust, then the relationship turns into torture. Moreover, the topic of confidence in the family concerns not only intimate loyalty, but also such issues as a solution of financial tasks, a choice of a resting place, large and small purchases, responsibility for security, the ability to find a way out of the situation, etc. In order to build a trusting relationship, our first support comes to the rescue - communication with each other. Only qualitative communication in the family will help eliminate any causes of suspicion and misunderstanding.

Third support - concern for feelings.Feelings for the time of family life are changing. There are periods when they are enhanced, then fade away, sometimes disappear at all. Therefore, it is extremely important to support the light of their love. And they will help this simplest action.

• Hug as often as possible. Hugs help maintain and maintain warmth in relationships. And this is the easiest and most natural way to feel with a close person. Have you ever noticed that in pairs that are at the stage of divorce, there are no hugs? Spouses are moving away from each other, and all the warmth disappears. Hugs have a soothing effect. Therefore, hug on health. And do it without requests!
• Do not skimp on kisses. Kee down and hug in the morning before work, in the evening after work, before bedtime, waking up in the morning. Keep at any convenient moment!
• Cut the time together. Despite the high employment, the rapid pace of life, always pay attention to each other, appreciate, make these moments. Surprise each other, indulge in pleasant surprises, arrange romantic evenings. Let yourself rest from life and cycle of everyday affairs and worries. Such high-quality time is very strengthens the feelings.
• Take the time for yourself. This time should be every family member. And it is also important to strengthen family and feelings. Otherwise, not having the right to such "loneliness", we are usually hiding in the gadgets.

Superior fourth - respect.And it is important to respect not only your spouse, his interests, values, desire, but also their own. It is very important here to realize, understand and accept personal borders, both your own and partner.

Thanks to this four pillars, your feelings will be fixed with each day. Most importantly, remember that your family life consists of moments and trifles. Make them pleasant, fill with happiness and joy.

After all, only you are responsible for the quality of your relationship!

So, it is considered in the world that a normal family is a mandatory parents who have children who have children. Families in which one parent will automatically fall into the category of "defective", "incomplete" or even families "disadvantaged." I immediately put forward the opposite opinion.

The boy was only 8 years old when his mother paralyzed. She stopped walking, talking, independently eat and dress. Dad by that time was already safe somewhere set up, forgetting completely and about the former wife, and about the Son.

Is it possible to call his departure from the family? Rather, the misfortune was that his care had occurred too late ... Thus, from the "full-fledged" family with the two parents, Mom and Son went into the category of "incomplete families", "disadvantaged". However, they regarded this in a different: only now they settled happiness and joy, peace and love!

But the experienced married life, somehow: beatings, sleepless nights, hard work for a penny, who went on a pretty husband-alcoholic - reminded of themselves. Horror eclipsed light. Mom got sick. The boy wanted to pick up in the shelter, separating him with the only native man.

Intervened a neighbor. She designed guardianship on the child. And the guy all the concerns about mommy took the shoulders. At 9 years old, the young man myself washes and feeds the mother from the spoon, he puts her on a walk in his hands, seizes in a wheelchair, makes a massage, talks and never ceases to confess her in love and kiss her hands.

Family is a kingdom that the love rules! Mom learned to stand, said the first phrase after a terrible day that divided life to "before" and "after." It was words: "I ... you ... love ..."

One correspondent learned about them, prepared a report. Television contributed to the fact that the boy is a real hero, a man with a capital letter, a courageous and inflexible person with a huge loving heart, with the great power of the Spirit - recognized the whole country. Today, influential people paid attention to them, the mother is preparing for an operation, which, according to doctors, it will definitely help, because progress is evident.

This is a true family, the right family, a real family. And it doesn't matter how many children in it, whether all parents are engaged in raising offs, whether everything is healthy, whether it is a family, and not a notorious "cell", which listed on paper.

And the last myth of what family needs to be considered young. Today, age criteria for benefits in obtaining housing "young families" have been introduced. Stand on a queue can be done only before reaching one of the spouses of 36 years. I think this is wrong.

A young family is a family that was formed no earlier than 8 years ago, without taking into account the age of spouses. Why exactly 8, not 5 or 6?

Psychologists and sociologists argue that married couples at the turn of 7 years often disintegrated. Therefore, during this period, special support from both material and psychological is needed.

Everything expressed by me is IMHO. But has the right to exist, reading and discussing.

Someone thinks that it is necessary to marry or marry or marry love. And this is not surprising - all mass media means strongly promote this point of view. However, in fact, love is far from the first thing that connects two people. Surely you are familiar with those couples, a man and a woman in which they loved each other, but could not live together. And in the same way there are pairs, married by coincidence, without any romantic feelings, but in which the husband and wife fell in love with each other. And now we are talking about love, and not about love, dependence or passion. So how to distinguish real love from other feelings and why is it not so important when married, as is customary to think in our society?

Features inherent in real love

In general, of course, it is strange to argue about the peculiarities of love, as feelings, ridiculously disseminate it into individual elements and therefore we will only call it the main:
1. True love gives. What gives? What can give: Attention, affection, help in some kind of deed. That is, people who loving each other truly do not require from the other, and give themselves. A simple example: Do not run around a loved one with requests questions: "Well, tell me, I tell me - do you love me?" (What makes many girls sreeus), and approach and say: "I love you," and at the same time do not wait for a response ("I am also"), but just express your feelings at your own request.

2. True love contributes to self-development, and loving, and beloved. If a love dependence does not give to develop not in love with his partner himself, then true love, on the contrary, allows you to see the weaknesses of your loved one, delicately indicate them and helping to become stronger. Also, in the process of communication with a partner, it becomes stronger, and loving himself.

3. True love does not hold. People know how to love, do not tie themselves tightly to the paneer and do not hold a loved one with all his might. Just because they do not need it. The secret is that they love themselves, and do not require and do not wait for love from the other. Therefore, if your loved one wants to leave, they do not cling to him, but just let go. Of course, without experiences, the situation of any rupture does not cost, but there is noness and sadness do not cause thoughts about suicide and do not provoke depression - a loving person will find the strength to live and develop further. Why do you know how to love not afraid to stay alone? Probably, first, because they themselves are whole and harmonious people, and secondly, who will want to get away from real love? - Is that an inappropriate partner, and because of this suffering stupid

Why love is not obligatory for marriage

As you already understood, real love from other types of feelings, which sometimes call her name, is characterized by the fact that it is not some sudden process (which surrounded from somewhere), and the creation is not waiting for it to come, It is created by themselves. That is why, at the beginning of the article, we mentioned that, when marriage entry, love is not obligatory - if people are ready for living together, ready to create a harmonious family, then love will appear. Of course, it is easier and easier. True love happens in those pairs where there is mutual sympathy, common interests and similar life goals. And, finally, the most important secret: love is not a thing, and the process, and that is why it cannot come-to leave, rub. Love in a pair can only be created by mutual interest and desire, i.e. - Love yourself and each other.