Threw off the other day. (First look at him, then read further).

What to say?
Showing 2 types of men with destruction in the head as part of the relationship to the girls.

The first, on the look at the girls, a typical pickup.
He has absolutely consumer attitude to girls.
He does not establish emotional intimacy with girls, and he does not even understand what it is. He does not enjoy the process of staying next to the girl. His main task is sex. Not even so. His main task is to cum. From the sex itself he does not receive pleasure.

He considers the manifestations of romance to be weak.
By the way, this is a typical Pikaper idea - not to give flowers, not to make gifts, if possible is less invested.
Literally, "effective seduction is seduction with minimal resource costs." There it sounds folding only because there are situations where the manifestation of romance is done as a tool of seduction, which is also the most consumer relationship, only in commodity-money form.
Here I agree that if a man does not like a woman, then the false colors and gifts will not change her attitude towards him.
But if there is mutual love or deep sympathy between a man and a woman (which can be obtained during dating) flowers, attention and romance is great. This very quickly brings closer.

Let's return to the first type.
Pay for it he is that he will never have a deep relationship.
When he comes to what he wants to build relations with one girl (and sooner or later, everything comes to it, whatever they were at the level of personal qualities), it will face the following situation. This girl will be with him or because of money and a comfortable life, which he will create for her, or it will be a girl scored and weak in the emotional plan, which he will drag out in a relationship on one dominance and will constantly press in this relationship.
Total: In this relationship, the girl will be deeply unhappy and as a man will find a man relatively in the emotional plan and will meet with him secret, in the depths of his soul hating and sick her husband. To live together, they will be possible even to old age, but he will not know what deep and emotional can actually have a relationship.

Consumer attitude towards girls is manifested in reluctance to stay with a girl after sex. In the absence of a desire to do beautiful actions for a girl. In the fact that in sex at the head of the corner, a man puts his pleasure and does not think about the pleasure of the girl.
This is noticeable to pickpipes. If you have so much that you pay for it, I have already written above and write more.

Now according to the second type.
If a man has the right attitude towards girls, then such behavior does not cause discomfort. From all that is happening, he gets smoothly the same pleasure that the girl receives from him.

If we talk specifically about this guy who is the second, then behave like the first, he just interferes with fears. And let's say, if he goes to pickup courses, then there the coach (first type) will simply work his fears and embeds it the same model as in himself. The model of "effective seduction" \u003d "consumer relations with girls." But is it really necessary for him? And will it make it happy?

There, after all, it is not only about the fact that with a consumer attitude not to build a good family.
Even with serial seduction, you can get much more pleasure if you have a deep emotional connection with each new girl. You can get a pleasure from every second of contact with each new girl. You can leaving a warm pleasant memories about each other. And you can soullessly seduce and stay in the same emptiness.

The behavior on a date and second type seems to be different, but the basis is one:
both in the depths of the soul hate and fear women.

What do they do?
To begin with, stop counting the girl an opponent and stop counting the process of seduction by the fight.
The girls do not make the goal of their lives to make men hurt. They also want love, caress, warmth and understanding. Failure to dating, about which so much they say, as about the women's "integrity" - this is just a reaction to a particular man, and not a life position of a woman. In general, women for men can be friends, even closest than men.
And here we are not talking about friendship without sex. We are talking about deep friendship with sex within any format: long-term relationships or harem - no matter.

Successes and good luck. Thomas

It is probably difficult to find a person, never in life not collided with the manifestations of consumer relations: someone experienced all his "charms" on personal experience, becoming a victim of the consumer, someone simply watched from the part. But to admit that you yourself are a consumer, much more difficult.

Usually they inform others about it, tired of the fact that they are constantly trying to use.

To understand why your husband is so infuriates the role of an eternal "miner", why the wife is offended on the lack of attention and respect on your part, considering that you feel about it, "as things", and for what reason, in general, a brought up So I have not learned the words of gratitude, you should thoroughly understand the problem.

Modern society is often accused of commitment to the cult of consumption: the increased level of social well-being is often externally manifested by purely as customer queries.

We begin collecting things, because we can afford it, and if some item comes into disrepair, without thinking, throwing it out and buy a new one - again, because we can afford it!

A lot of negative sides of this phenomenon said, but everything is not as scary, while we are talking about inanimate objects, which, if neither twist, are created in order to use them. Much more serious concerns cause the same principle in relation to people: the victims of this approach, determining the nature of their sensations, often say that they feel the thing.

The user-consumer uses another person as a resource, without taking care of his feelings and does not try to give something in return. If the victim understands that somewhere there is a catch and then it cannot continue to continue, it will try to break the connection with the consumer as soon as possible.

But, unfortunately, it is not always possible to assess the situation objectively, and there are no discord when a person lives side by side with the consumer - suffering, tormenting, but "continuing there is a cactus" like a mouse from the notorious joke. Sometimes outstanding out loud, sometimes silently surviving (and then the lack of complaints from her part will be the main argument of the consumer, if he wants to justify his behavior in the eyes of others).

In the patriarchal society, the Family Chapter feature is traditionally assigned to a man, while a woman subordinate to his decisions. It would seem that a man receives a very privileged position, but there is also the reverse side of the medal: such social roles are gradually erased by the personal features of his wife and husband, driving them into a clear framework of patriarchal standards.

It is in such families that both sides are most often affected, and the tragedy of her husband is usually lies in the fact that he is perceived mainly as a source of income, domestic comfort and well-being of the family, and not like a living person with his emotions, needs and desires. Unfortunately, love in such marriages is either originally absent, or quickly goes into the background and gradually comes off.

At a certain stage, the husband begins to understand that his family role is reduced mainly to material support.

Well, when a man has the opportunity to give his wife a dear gift or pay for family holidays, but abnormally, if:

• in return, he does not get absolutely nothing and never;
• all gifts and surprises are perceived as due;
• the reaction of a woman in the absence of another expensive gift is expressed in resentment, irritation, misunderstanding;
• communication with her husband comes down to one-sided reproaches and requirements ("You must", "this is your duty", "a man for everything pays", etc.).

In this situation, the husband must understand whether he is ready to endure this attitude towards himself.

Unfortunately, to re-educate an adult is difficult, and if a certain scenario is invested in his wife, in which there is a place to consume, but there is no place for mutual respect, support, sympathy and personal responsibility, it is unlikely to change its approach to the question with the help of conversations, requests or quarrels.

However, sometimes such a look at the male role in relations is produced by a woman already in marriage, since the husband first begins to treat her consumer - deprives the right of a deliberative voice when making important decisions and requires the unconditional implementation of "typically female" functions (raising children, housework etc.), thereby forceful to refer to itself in the same way.

Many husbands do not even notice how much consumer they relate to their spouses, creating conditions in the family, more characteristic of slave-ownership rather than for love. Such men absolutely does not care if the mood of his wife nor her relationship with others, they do not seek to help their spouse in solving household problems and issues. The main thing is that the houses were ordering, the food was preparing, and the children were brought up, and all this should happen if possible without male participation.

Their wives can infinitely complain about the forums, girlfriends for a cup of tea or in the office of a psychologist for detachment, indifference and lack of understanding from the spouse, but conversations with the "culprit of the celebration", as a rule, do not bring a positive result. If a man sees in a woman's not a person with his own beliefs, habits and desires, and a slave, which should put a life for the fulfillment of his whim, to achieve an adequate relationship and respect for himself is very difficult.

And not always such a state of affairs is due to social status or a high salary of a man (although these factors are certainly influenced by the intake balance): Cases when a husband earning an order of magnitude less wife and having a much more free time, still seeks to transfer All household worries are on her, there are always around. Quite often, the basis for such a relationship is laid from early childhood, because not all parents are able to understand in time that they bring up the consumer.

Why is the child becomes a consumer?

In many ways, the fault of parents who prefer to see their baby rather obedient than the initiative. As a result, infantry grafted in childhood is preserved for many years. If your son or daughter in one-year-old age belongs to parents (and indeed to any adult people with which it contacts) as a source of good, it makes no sense to blame the child - being at an early stage of development, it is still not aware of where and what price is taken These benefits.

But if such a situation is repeated in a more conscious - kindergarten, school or even adult age is abnormal.

Therefore, it is advisable from the earliest years to leave the children space for independent decisions (even if even at a minimum level, which is available and safe at their age) and give them the opportunity to help parents so that the exchange of benefits is bilateral. Thus, you can instill son or daughters more important values \u200b\u200bthan consumer - they will be able to assess the importance of mutual assistance and compassion, they will learn to show respect and gratitude.

As for specific duties, their circumstances are determined: at an early age, it can be a skeletal assistance to parents around the house, in adolescent - part-time (in order to have self-earned pocket money). It is only so overcoming the egocentrism inherent in some kind of child.

To break the children is very easy, because they are all manifestations and care are inclined to perceive as due. And if parents are experiencing a sense of guilt for any reason (for example, they are experiencing that due to work, you will pay too little time because of work) and regularly try to "pay off" with gifts, quite quickly at the kid will be formed by the corresponding family perception as groups of adults, obliged to please He always and in everything, despite his own needs and external circumstances.

Grown with the idea that any person should be considered primarily as a source of life benefits, a child-consumer is experiencing serious problems in communicating with friends, relatives and colleagues. This is how women appear, who will not even look at the man, if he does not start to pour them in expensive gifts or will not prove his high social status, and men who take the role of domestic servants.

It is almost impossible to change the formed personality (rare exceptions only confirm the general rule), therefore, it follows from childhood to teach children to go beyond consumer values.

I often hear the question in consultations: whether I need (en) if I am in relationships. Many of this question are considered important. Having come for a consultation to a psychologist, they want to get answers. With the answer to this question, people often associate the opportunity to be in a relationship with their partner. Hear "no" is terrible. Many things in relationships are ready to forgive, come to accept something. The answer "No" to the question about whether I need you - this is a reason to stop relationships right away. Every time I hear this question I think - can I generally answer this question positively? Could it be that we need in relationships by yourself, personally, so to speak?

In the psychology of relations there are such concepts as a goal and means. The goal is what I want to get, the tool is the way, how much I want to get what I want. Can a person be a target in relationships? Partner is a target or means? With situations when a person is a means in relationships, everything seems to be clear. A young attractive person (no matter the woman or a man) can find yourself not a young but wealthy partner. Here is the money goal, and the partner tool. Such relations are often called sales or consumer (depending on how to look at it). If I want to get something from a partner if I need it for something, then it is about consumption. Often heard that consumer relations are not love. Is there a relationship where the partner is not a means to get something for himself through or through it? Relationships where a person is not a means of relationship. Where the answer to the question should I need a positive. Yes, it is you - I need.

There is such a phrase - I want you to be (a) happy (a). It can be heard from another person. It can be found in books or hear in the film, in the theater, especially, it concerns the so-called "love genre". Many believe that this is the love, real. That's exactly such an attitude is not consumer, but is, then, this feeling. This is such a relationship where I do everything much (all) for him (her). How it is beneficial from low calculation or dry arrangements. Somehow, even, not convenient to destroy the picture. No, everything is so there, I do not want to write, which is naive to believe that there are no such people in general, or there is no such relationship. The problem is not in this, but that in such a relationship, the need of a person is the happiness of another. That is, a person uses the other to meet his needs. He is another, is a means to achieve its own goal. And the goal here is to satisfy your need to give and take care, get emotions, looking at the happiness of another person. In this sense, such relationships are also consumer. I consume your loved one to meet my need to give, take care, do it happy. Attempts to refuse my care in this case discomfort, I feel bad from what I do not get in the relationship of what I want. Here a person is also not a goal, he is a means to meet my needs.

Thoughts that I will write many may seem wrapal. How much I did not think about it, I can not find a relationship that is not consumer. Even if you take relationships that are built on the basis of parental-parent. Where there is an element of unconditional adoption. I love you just for what you are, just like that. Is there a person there, can we say that this is exactly? Is a man goal, and not a means? People have the need to live emotions that arise in parental relationships, more is characteristic of women. This is a need, it is largely biological, partly formed by means of media influence. And here is about needs. A child or partner who replaces the child in a situation where the model of child-parent relationship is tolerated into adulthood, is needed to meet this need. It is not a goal, but a means.

Love, as it will not seem strange - this is also our need. If I am in love with my partner is a way to live love through it, with it. Lovers are often saying: "I'm just because I am in love with you (love), and not because I need something from you." It would seem - here it is, the man here is the goal. However, if you carefully look at these words, you can see that they are also not about the fact that the man here is the goal. The correct translation of these words sounds like this: "My main need for relationship is to survive love, for this I can give up many other needs." It is not necessary for me from you. This is also about consumption in relationships. Only a person wants to satisfy his need to live love, and for this he is looking for the one who can help him. This need can be so strong that much more simply goes into the background.

This may seem terrible. This is not love - but just some consumer approach. I am very sorry, but we are just so arranged. Physiologically. A person lives as long as he has needs and can satisfy them. If a person loses touch with its needs is a violation. It is caused or dysfunction, or serious violations, for example, depression. Phrase you do not love me, translated like: I am not able to get what I want. And, accordingly, on the contrary. I feel that they love me if I get in a relationship what I need. This is all about consumption, all our relationships are consumer. No others. What is the value of man? Is it really so launched? The answer is no, there is something else.

When we choose a partner on the basis of what he gives me what I want, we accept his value for yourself. We like how this person satisfies my needs, how it does it. This is something about what I am better to me with him, it is better to get through it, a way to like. It is about the uniqueness of the person for me, it is about what I need you (needed). Then appears - I love you, I love, because I feel good with you. It is very important not to start making a person exclusive, the only one. Do not make a decision that this person is mine and now in general all its important needs I want to receive only from him. Then we fall into dependence on this person. We can suddenly decide that some person alone can only satisfy our needs. We ourselves suddenly begin to endow it with these qualities. Then he becomes solely and the only relationship dependent.

So, we decided that all relationships are consumer. This is what we enter into relationships. Another person helps us get something important to us, then what we need. We appreciate this person, since we like how we satisfy our needs with him. The most important thing is then to establish the balance of consumption. Do I get enough for what I give. And yet, if we build not dependent relationships, and I do not try, through my partner to satisfy all my needs, then you need to solve in which way I will receive the rest. With whom, through anyone else, how. Many questions, they are important to think about and discuss it with a partner. Find an acceptable way for everyone.

And still about the value of man. She is not static, it is not from the category of "eternal values." Relationship value is not a monument. We change, our needs change. We are not changing in everything, something remains unchanged, there is no rules. What was important at the beginning of the relationship can cease to be important over time. The way that I liked, associated with a person - I can wanted another. It is important to understand this and work on relationships. Spear with a partner. Listen to yourself. Watch around. Look at yourself and on the partner. Where he changes, and what is changing, what and where I change. Strengthen the balance of relationships, build it.

Consumer attitude towards the spouse / spouse is one of the most correct ways to destroy the marriage and indeed any relationship. Even violence (in the broadest sense) does not have such destructive power.

Why am I? The fact is that in the last month I collided several times with the same phenomenon that is based on this consumer attitude.

The last drop was the letter of my readers, with interesting questions. With her permission, I answer questions here.

Here is an excerpt from the letter:

"Suppose there is a couple in which a man declares: I like you, but I do not like you and I do not want to encourage you.
1. How to do a woman if she feels that in this relationship it makes sense and the future. After all, love is a feeling that it fades, it flares up. Today is not, and tomorrow there is, and vice versa.
2. Do I need to put the foundation of love or it is possible to build relationships on other values, and love to purchase in the process? "

Here, at once a few questions, so I will answer in stages.

If a man on a blue eye declares "I like you, but I don't like you and I don't want to encourage you," you have to look, what will be said on. If a man speaks further, they say, let's take part and we will not meet anymore, then the question is exhausted.

Because this particular man now aloud said that he was going to expect a woman, giving out as little as possible.

I know such stories millions (exaggerating, of course, but still know a lot). A man tells a woman, they say, you are pretty, I'm cool, let's spend time together. I will call you when I have a mood, we will walk there where I want, do what I wonder - this is so great!

Not. This is not great. This consumer attitude is an object approach. Another person here acts as something like a resource (object), without psyche and feelings.

As for me, it's just disgusting. Yes, I use this word, although this is impossible to a psychologist; I am the most categorical in the world, I can. Consumer attitude is disgusting. Maybe even increasing violence (although it is difficult to be disgusting violence).

In this situation, as in the situation with violence, my answer is simple - chase such a man.

Of course, if a woman needs such relationships, then there are no problems. But, in fact, women usually want other relations, and agree on such proposals from men from hope. From the hope that he "dressed", "love", "will understand."

Not! Does not fall, not love, will not understand. Such a man will use you while he does not get bored. No need illusions - it will be only so.

Why? Because for a normal person, unnaturally object to a near person. This is almost a mental deviation - not to see that another is also a person.

I do not exaggerate. For a person, it is normal to create a theory of reasonable ("Theory of Mind" in English; the Russian is translated in different ways). That is, to perceive other people like living, reasonable and feeling creatures. That is - as subjects.

The formation of the theory of reasonable can be broken - and then the person perceives others just like things. This is not quite psychiatry, but close. And such a person to cure - not just (if possible). And you will not be able to accurately.

Do not even try - useless spending time and strength. Challenge such men away from themselves as the plague.

I can remember the question: 1. How to do a woman if she feels that in this relationship it makes sense and the future. After all, love is a feeling that it fades, it flares up. Today is not, and tomorrow there is and vice versa.

A woman in this situation needs to stick their head in a bucket with cold water and come to themselves a little. Because feeling that in this relationship it makes sense and the future, a woman can, but these feelings do not belong to reality.

This is the consequence of all sorts of merry hormones. They turn off the woman critical thinking to ensure conception.

The woman in such a state is tightly off the frontal stakes - this is the state of insaneness, about which, for example, the Criminal Code writes: "... could not be aware of the actual nature and public danger of its action (inaction) or lead them due to chronic mental disorder (illness), temporary Psyche disorders, dementia or other painful state of the psyche. " (Article 28 of the Criminal Code of the Republic of Belarus).

This is the female "I feel that in this relationship it makes sense" and is something close to a temporary mental disorder or a painful state. Despite the promotion of the Adepts of the teachings "Turn off the head and listen to feelings", feelings need to listen very carefully, and it is impossible to disable head and not at all.

So - a bucket of cold water to help. Brains clears, feelings saddle. Let and temporarily, but help. And when the healing action is over, the procedure is to repeat.

That's how it is so necessary to act as a woman in a disassembled situation.

And the last question from the letter:
"2. Do I need to put the foundation for love or it is possible to build relationships on other values, and love to purchase in the process? "

Yes, indeed, relationships can be started to build and without love. To do this, they must be based on mutual respect. That is, "on the recognition of someone advantages, merit, qualities. "

The keyword, as you can see, allocated fat. Respect must be mutual. Also, relationships can be built on mutual interest and / or mutual recognition of the value of these relations. The main thing is to mutually.

Human relations are held on the fact that experts call the "theory of equal exchanges." You, I, I give you, and it suits me, the lungs of one way blurred with light skews to another. The main thing is that we both understand and accept and recognize that this exchange is satisfied with us.

A person, with violations of the "theory of reasonable", is not capable of such exchanges - it is difficult to exchange something with the refrigerator, say. We just lay food into it and take when necessary. Refrigerator - thing. Unfortunately, it happens that the person becomes a thing.

And those who make you things, drive. Chase away. Drink, despite their miserable eyes and sincerely bewilderment. I, Pavel Zygmantovich, the most categorical psychologist in the world, I tell you - drive such people from ourselves. Do not believe them, do not let the slack.

Otherwise, the thing will be done again. And to be a thing - a person is unworthy.

Separately, I want to mention. Of course, a woman can also behave consumer in relation to a man, this is no less common phenomenon, alas.

And I have everything, thanks for your attention.

Some more notes on a similar topic:
Psychological Violence: an enemy that is not noticeable | About domestic violence
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A restaurant. Illustrative shot.

In the life of some couples sometimes comes the moment when a man sees in a woman only "Borsch", and a woman in a man is exclusively "wallet." Such an attitude towards each other is called consumer. We tell how to notice that sincereness and heat disappeared from the relationship, and how to return them.

Consumer relations are becoming when one partner sees an exceptional function in another that is able to satisfy some needs.

For example, a man is needed to a woman only to bring money to the house, able to fix a broken crane or distracted from thoughts about unrequited love for another. And a woman is needed exceptional for the houses to be comfort, or so that he can get into the world and all friends are blinded from her beauty and have been disgraced.

"In general, in the global sense, the consumerism is not so bad. The type of relationship "by schedule" was formed a century ago, when the functions of her husband and wife were firmly fixed, "Elena Lavrov's psychologist explains. "Therefore, our wives took physically strong women so that they could give birth to healthy offspring and work well in the field. To some limit, this functionality is important and needed. "

Indeed, if we all love each other only for a trembling soul and no one will do anything, it will not bring it to good. "But if the beloved person turns into a function, then the relationship cease to be warm, mental, harmonious and happy," Elena Lavrov summarizes.

So that this does not happen, we tell, for what features you can recognize that partners treat each other consumer.

Sign 1: Trading "You - I, I - You"

"I will pick up a child from kindergarten, and you will take the garbage," "You can go to a bar with friends, but only if I am in a cafe with friends," "Buy this droid already, but then I will go for the whole day in Spa" .

In the male version: "I am ready to kill in days at work and make a career if you take care of the children and keep the household houses", "I will buy you a car if you give birth to a child," we will go on vacation to the sea, only if you lose weight "

Of course, have an agreement on how the duties of partners in the family are distributed, very useful.

"But if an imaginary list of what a husband or wife should do, prevails over the usual human attitude towards each other, this indicates that another person is perceived exclusively as a function," explains Elena Lavrov.

Sign 2: The requirement "You must / You must"

Every person has an idea of \u200b\u200ban ideal partner. For example, a woman is the one that prepares, removes, looks good, sweet, soft, or, on the contrary - purposeful careerist. A man is the one who cares, strong, confident, or, on the contrary - sensual, attentive.

And each person expects these ideas will coincide with reality. But no one is obliged to match other people's ideals. "As soon as the requirement" should "appears, this means that a person cannot accept the way it is, and perceived as a thing with a certain functionality, which should work regularly," Elena Lavrov believes.

If the wife has allergies to dust and she cannot do clean, but offers to her blood earned money to hire a cleaner, and the husband is categorically against it - it indicates its consumer attitude.

Sign 3: discontent

And, as any consumer, the displeased quality of the purchased goods, a person is ready to make complaints: "You are a woman, why is such a rude / sloppy / income?", "You are a man, why not successful / not confident / not assertive?"

It is clear that there is no limit perfection, and it is not bad if the partner helps develop. But, agree, a loving person who is afraid to wander a loved one, will choose completely different wording in order to indicate the shortcomings and express his wishes.

Sign 4: denial of the interests of another

A typical consumer relations marker at the stage, when the relationship is only tied - the phrase "I am interested in you and I like you, but I am not ready for a serious relationship." Or "You are so wonderful, but I just experienced a difficult divorce, so I'm not yet capable of deep feelings."

Many women are bought for it. Think - I'll be so good, the duplicate, probably he will change his mind with time. "This phrase hides the meaning: let me, yes more," Elena Lavrov is sure.

The world gradually rolls into the abyss of consumption, and this movement seems so inexorable that even the most saints and sometime net spheres of our relationships: love and friendship. The worst thing lies in the fact that people do not notice this. And consumer relations between beloved, spouses and friends consider the norm of life. Find a successful partner, a friend, the beloved has become almost the main goal of life. But the very word "successful" is - there is a sentence for disinterested love, as it contains an unequivocal consumer meaning.

"Why do I need a loser, stretching, irrelevant, I need only successful and only lucky friend, partner and beloved. Surely I will surround myself by people from which there is no sense, benefit and pleasure. No, dismiss! Let others have the case with duplicate, and I know the price itself and do not eat! " - exclaims our ego. We think that we are so thinking, but no, it is it fooling us. Because the ego is Mephistophelle within each of us, which tempts, calls to pleasures and amenities and configures us to a wave of consumption.

Love is intangible

Meanwhile, love and friendship is, and not materiality. Sometimes truly lovers people cannot even clearly determine what they experience attachment and craving for her beloved. Why are they good next to him why they love him. Just because he is, that's exactly what his heart saw his heart. At the same time, it is not necessary that it will be a successful and successful handsome man with a tight stuffed wallet.

We are often interested in why so many disappointments, divorce and unfortunate love stories. Yes, everything is for the same reason. We are looking for a successful partner, not love. And when we find someone who seemed to be suitable for the parameters of success: rich, famous, smart, energetic, kind, caring, etc. etc. - We grabbed him as a hunter prey, and do not want to let go away from yourself, thinking that this is our gift of fate. We found what they were looking for, and now we are waiting for only happiness and pleasure!

It was not here! What is measured and can be weighed, measured and calculated, has no relation to love, it is related to consumption. And if you make these figures and indicators of the well-being and success of the formulas of your life, then accept the fact that you do not see the disinterested relationship. You will constantly stay in relationships "You, I am," and rock the pendulum of acquisitions and calculations. It will take some time, and your freshly lucky candidate can completely naturally pass positions. Get sick, endure, lose weight, straw, lose your business, tools, etc. That is, losing the indicators you guided by choosing. And then what? He, and you can only sympathize.

In the world of consumption

When it comes to business, relationships with other people's unfamiliar people, we are quite calmly perceive this consumer component. We are already accustomed to pay extra for in a cafe, a restaurant, a hairdresser, a hotel. We give additionally doctors and teachers, in the hope that they will be attentive to us and our children. And forget (as they forget) that this is actually their work.

Living in the world of consumption, we see how materiality penetrates art, literature, music. The whole world is based on commerce. We are accustomed to this and even actively in this participate. But somewhere in the depths of the soul, we would like to remain some spheres free from consumption. We have a weak hope that these are areas of our loved ones: love and friendship.

I can't please you with anything. Unfortunately, even the disinterested initial relationship of children and parents today undergo consumption attack. Children become the subject of trading and manipulations, parents pass in the nursing homes and blackmail inheritance.

The biggest risk that our soul is coming today is to fall in love with a real and believing to the one who loves that he also loves you as disinterestedly as you.

Unfortunately, in the world of consumption, disinterested relationship is not a place. Among us, fewer people who are able to go to this risk and generally capable of love someone besides themselves. So we conclude not marriage, but for some reason we hope that we will get something more than a transparent "you, I am." We are waiting for some sacrifice, romantic gestures, dedicated actions. Go down to the sinful sales land, the contract has a contract, get a price list and do not reset.

Is it time to love others?

There was a time when we were called for us to love us. That is, make yourself a name, present yourself, show, pretend to love. And so we were injured by this advice, and already love themselves. Sometimes even love too much, so much that they are no longer able to see and notice other people around. No, we have learned perfectly well to voice the non-existent feelings, we rightly and left in love with unfamiliar people, it looks so simple and so beautifully looks in the row of comments to our posts on social networks. But we are absolutely not able to love a particular living person with a weighing of deficiencies, that is, different from our individual traits and features, if these features prevent us with admirement and violate our personal calm.

We try to quickly get rid of them, losers, boring incapatures, problematic spectacles, etc. And we do not notice that they themselves are not perfect. And all because love for yourself is also a manifestation of our ego, all the same Mephistofel, which fools us, being accustomed to life in the world of consumption.

How to save love in the world of consumption?

Probably, it is very simple and at the same time difficult, because it requires work on yourself.
Learn to see the soul of another person, regardless of the size of his wallet, success, appearance and other measured parameters. As if to penetrate the outer shell and feel its internal content.
Learn to think not only about yourself and your interests and needs, but also about the needs and desires of other people. Understand them, divide and help them in the implementation of their dreams and plans.
Helping another, a person opens its best features and wakes up in other people his internal mental reserves, feelings and motivations. Only penetrated outside the external shells, we are able to see the real face of another person.
Do not participate in consumer relations - it means to recognize human value equivalent to you equivalent to you and not see the way in it and a means of meeting your interests.

After all, it is not designed to become your husband, make you happy, ensure, build a house for you or create conditions for a prosperous existence. He is the same valuable unit of the universe, which God has its own plans. It is not for you, and you are not for him. He is not yours, he does not belong to you. He is not obliged to like or do the way you want, invented or waiting for it. If you understand this in all depth, then consumption will leave your relationship. Because they will be dominated by trust, mutual assistance, respect, adoption and real love etc.

Often they are reproached in excessive idealization of men and women relations. We can do anything, I have such a look at the world. So today I would like to touch on the topic that will be intertwined with ideality. Namely, the desire of men get all the gift from women.

I ran into conversations with familiar women. No matter how regrettable recognize, but men now want a maximum benefit from meetings, but at the same time do nothing to do. Do not want to do not "global", but nothing at all. And it concerns not only the intimate side of the relationship (although male egoism manifested itself in all its glory). What do they want from relationships? Proper - delicious food, order in the apartment, clean, ironed things and breathtaking sex. But on the other hand, what do you give a woman in return? And there is no answer ...

An ideal example of this was told by a friend. She communicates through a dating site with their familiar abroad, and in the process she constantly writes the regulars of this site. Offer different, who is what is much. According to the first reports, all bold, just heroes, immediately a date, suggestions to meet. But the only question "What can I give me in this relationship except sex?" knocks out almost everyone from the rut. Many of the same question and stop writing at all. That is, except for consumer relations and have nothing to offer. Sad.

And so things are not only on the Internet. Back in the first editions, I already wrote that it would not be afraid of a compliment or colors from the present men. So, after time, guys with flowers I only saw February 14 and March 8. Why? I do not know, maybe there is a pity. Although buying a rose to your girlfriend, it seems to me. Anyway, and she is nice. But it is not profitable! I want to get everything to free, with minimal costs. In the same clubs, men are now different: get acquainted only when the lady already ordered something. It is logical, no extra spending. And women living alone are particularly popular. Its free living space is among units, and here you and a friend, and a free apartment. No need to think where to behave, spend money for a removable apartment. Just perfect option! And so everywhere. Wherever I look, everywhere men are looking for light paths. Why are beautiful good girls alone? That's right, because they need to be achieved. And this is a waste of time, strength and nerves. But if you can get the same with smaller "costs", it makes no sense to break on decent.

I finally made sure that we, men, gradually lose their masculinity and their image of the "miner" (in every sense of the word) in the eyes of women. Whatever it may be sad, but it is. We do not give our girls flowers and gifts, do not make romantic surprises - we ceased to amaze. And why? Yes, because initially there is no such purpose. Only consumer relations remained, and the only goal - as soon as possible to tighten the girl in the bed. The girls from the beautiful Muses have become a certain thing that can be used and throw away, without worrying about her future.

No, I do not want to seem perfect and good. I just really get disgusted when the car stops near the passing girl and there is an offer to "go to have fun". It is unpleasant when the only thing that man can offer is a woman, it's sex (from the words of women, and here not everything is perfect, the ability can not boast many). And just ashamed when the only compliment hears the girl in his address from the guys, it's "I would be in VD .. L" ...